Tuesday, 27 December 2011

The Blurry Dream

(All the Characters in this article are fictional, It is random rambling and Inspired by a post from Alkasim Abdulkasir. Ps you can start from the bottom or from the top...choose wisely.)

I felt bitter, green like one of the colours on the national flag, green with envy as cheers and applause drowned my thoughts and stirred up a contradictory storm of tears in my eyes. Ene was receiving another award, at 25 she had done everything and more I wanted to do when I was 40. She was a professor and had so many books with her name written printed, on their covers, She had two master’s degrees and a Phd in a course that sounds so hard to call out without reading it from something. She was and is my pride. She is my only daughter and she is the future yet in the present. I don’t really envy her, I am proud of her, I am proud of my country and all these took only 25years.

Ene did not have to go all the way to Europe or America to study, she got all her qualifications and certificates from Nigeria, oh! I remember when it took about nine years for me to complete a four year bachelor’s degree, the battles fought by student and labour unions, the amount of money we had to pay just to get a degree. I remember my friend Emeka, he studied in the United States of America, came back home and searched for a job for eight years until he started a small business. Fast forward twenty-five years, we live in a country where tuition is free, where our children never heard of acronyms like ASUU, where the word strike means to “hit with force”...not some industrial action. We now live in a country where the government is the people; legislators now have normal 9-5 jobs where they earn a living for while their legislative duties, there was no pay package, people get elected into office because they want to serve.

The Nigerian Visa has become so hard to get because everybody wants to visit, invest and work in Nigeria. The Obudu Cattle Ranch and the Tinapa Business & Leisure Resort has been expanded to the point that the state had become the hub of business and entertainment in Africa. It still shocks me at how much things have changed over the past thirty years. Boko Haram and MEND is now history. Our children read about them and cry, they wonder how we survived in those days where your favourite eatery could become the next bomb spot...those were the days when life expectancy rate was 35-55. Now we have a police force we can call our friends, health care is now free and more people have created jobs for themselves.

“Dad, you keep speaking into that device, why do you have tears in your eyes? You are being weird, why are you smiling and crying?” It was my turn to give a short speech, my daughter had insisted that I gave a speech and made me promise not to compare my generation with her generation. I laughed and explained to her that one day she would be able to access the device I always speak into. It is a portable device that types everything i say on my blog real time. The times have changed, I finally believe in my country. It took me twenty five years, away from my past when all I could do, was to think in my own little way and gaze...

A gaze into the future.


My British friend called me on the 26th of December, not to wish me happy holidays because she sounded worried and automatically I wondered if I had done something wrong at work, especially when she said she had a question to ask me. She sounded like she didn't want to cross a particular line when she said:

"I saw the news about the christmas day bombings in Nigeria, are you okay? Do you need to take some time off work? do you need to home and make sure everyone in your family is doing fine? "

I'm passionate about Nigeria, I get really upset when I see my fellow "youth" joke about the severity of the poor state of the nation, I worry about the fact that some people now see everything from tribal and religious grounds. I'm mad at my leaders, I'm disgusted at those who agree to be indoctrinated by selfish politicians who obviously sponsor these attacks. I have a brilliant conspiracy theory about some other countries sponsoring the mayhem but all these don't really matter because it seems no one is listening and we are all talking....

Would the fictional story about a gaze into the future ever happen or will we watch our country gradually become all those countries we send ECOMG soldiers to assist?

We lost a lot of loved ones in 2011 at this stage I want to wish you all a happy New Year (2012) but the tone makes that sound like a whisper.

Randomly Yours,

Friday, 25 November 2011

Sweet November...or just another?

8 years ago he was in a sociology class when the lecturer walked in with a rotten mango and a straight face. The lecturer asked the whole class: What is this in my hand? They all tried to describe and explain in the most complex, intelligent and stupid words how what he had brought into the class was a 1) Rotten Mango? 2) yellow mango? 3) Julie Mango? etc. In the student's head, all he was wondering was if the lecturer picked the mango from the floor and hoping the man gets to wash his hands at some point. Funny thing is that he never really answered the question (maybe I got bored or distracted) but...I'll get back to that. I started writing this post exactly 25 days ago and dumped it, it was Andy's birthday and he wanted something to remember and hold on to but it never happened, I find myself back here today and I don't see myself finishing again.

All the resolutions made in January, one month to go, I can't even remember what resolutions I made and plans for the year 2011 and the year is almost over already. It made me realise that all I could remember were the bad things that happened in 2011, the tears we cried and the people we loved and lost. I also remember the good things that happened and I asked myself how much appreciation i have shown for the good things in comparison to the bad things I have held on to; The friends I made and those i lost, the good friends who I hardly even say hi to these days. Truth is we get to that stage where we choose what to hold on to regardless of what we say or want to make people believe. Same things we hold on to determines our outlook and some decisions we make....

The movie Sweet November is my all time favourite because in a strange way it defines life in its entirety. The great friendships, the wealth and times, thing we hate then get to love, things we get to love and gradually lose or get to hate. I have used this movie as a guideline which helped me not to over-expect anything from anyone and that way I wont have to blame anyone for anything. This silly guideline eliminates the chance off hating people or holding on to stuff which really shouldn't mean a thing. A "gorgeous" friend once said "It is all in your head". Enough of the rambling but that is really what this is about. Bottom line is that I have learnt that things will not always go my way or your way but it is all about what you choose to hold hold on to. For me, I have chosen to make the most of everything, appreciate good things, pray about the things I can't control and let go of things by seeing them as another month which has come and gone. What do you believe in? what rules rule you? What explanations do you have for your actions? Just before you call the next person names or judge them at least they believe in something.

Life is like any other month, it is either a sweet one or just another, it is just a system to record history but it doesn't mean we shouldn't make the most of everyday...

Scroll back up to the original story of that lecture he had 8 years ago, the lecturer went on to state that It is a mango because the society has defined it as that. However if mangos were referred to as apples in another part of the world and you called it a mango there, you would be the odd one out. There are 2 ways to view life: 1) Through the eyes of the society or 2) In your own way. All the great inventions were discovered by people who chose to break the norm...Pardon my rambling but I really have no idea of what I planned to write about or I have actually forgotten.

Randomly yours,
november 2011

Friday, 7 October 2011

Random Rambling Series: The 3 course meal, Part 1 - Dear Artiste

I was shocked, she kept lying to him and he believed it. She made him smile with the words she spoke, she increased his confidence in himself but yes she lied to him. at the other end of the room I was too scared to point out the fact that she was ruining his life... gradually misdirecting him and getting a team together to support while he stupidly believed and then grew cocky. Who am I to complain? Technically I should complain cos I am interested in the lies, but sometimes all you have is a paper and a pen. I'll write a letter, to the artiste, a fan and a promoter. Funny thing is the artiste will never read this, the fans will ask who the hell am I to complain? The promoters will say I should shut up and call me names... Let me be your waiter, it is my meal a 3 course meal prepared with a paper and a pen. This is just another silly random rambling series and it is not directed at anyone particularly, it may never even get published but then again, somebody lied.

Dear Artiste,

We watched you grow, we grew with you and some of us claim we know you while others claim they knew you. I dont care about you so much, I just love good music and that is why we noticed you. you had promises and your delivery impressed the listeners and then things changed. People expect too much from Artistes but i will talk about that in a second, I just wonder if these artistes actually go the extra mile sometimes or if it is just a funny industry. Regardless of that, most artistes have become users who only come out to play when they have to. You cant create a twitter account then come on it a week to the release of your new single, album or video and expect us to jump on your bandwagon and throw in all the love and support only for you to disappear once that is done? We understand that you are busy and all but you are human and not a robot, people actually like you so don't take it for granted.

You have had a couple of songs we liked please why do you have to change your style just to prove you are versatile? people love you already but some songs will bring you down. The fans are not patient but they have a say in your status. very few people can pull off the versatility move and i'm not saying you shouldn't try, I'm just saying you should find an identity, do not use us as your guinea pigs because it is no different from submitting your tacky jotter as a grade-able essay. A & R (Artist and Repertoire) is something every artiste should invest in, most cases you get this free. Get some random music lovers who will be able to tell you the truth, play the song for them or listen or send it to them. Give them a scale to rate it (In my case I randomly rate everything on a scale of 1-5), find a way they can rate it or be truthful about it because your producer won't tell you his beat is wack, neither would your bestfriend or partner except on rare occasions. Maybe you should always have two or more songs for someone to choose from especially if it is a single for your upcoming album. Where are you rushing to?

Jayz, Nas, The Game, 50cents etc would do anything to be likened to BIG or 2pac. Jennifer Hudson would be glad to be likened to Diana Ross or Aretha Franklin. Dear Artiste I notice that my Nigerian celebrities (loads of them)get offended when you compare them to international acts. Did you invent rap? or acting? or RnB? It doesn't hurt to be influenced by someone else, maybe we are trying to show you how highly rated you are but no, you have become so proud and you take offence and in some cases get rude. Maybe we need more bakeries because it seems we've run out of humble pies. Everyone is now somebody and listens to nobody. Regardless we still love you and it is a shame that this letter offends you (if it does).

Bottomline is, not everyone will love you, not everyone hates you, most of us will still lie to you. You're in the limelight now and we hope you can actually see through the sunglasses.


She lied and he smiled, he lied and she believed it, it happens everyday and everywhere, in entertainment, business and life generally but the truth remains: This lies wont end. I have another letter to write and it is to a fan

Dear Fan,

I hope the starter wasn't so sour but...

To be continued

Randomly yours,
That Andy

October 2011

Monday, 29 August 2011

My Tool – “An Excuse”

Robbing Damien to pay Damon….
He cried and cried and cried for it and the parents gave it to him, he asked for more and then they ignored him so he stole it. He got tired of stealing petty things and then he made it a career. That was Damien. Damon watched quietly and learned, he planned and schemed, he observed his parents and how they handled Damien. Damon had this knowing smile, reminiscent of the prodigal son. He knew his time would come, he expected his parents to have learnt by now. He wasn’t surprised, he wasn’t even upset. He had a weapon, one he called “An Excuse”… Those kids don’t exist, but the leaders in my country do and they have given people Damon’s tool, an excuse. I know everyone has a lot to say about the current state of the nation and so this may seem like just another one of them, but let’s hope I actually get to update it.

Take some steps back, we had the Niger-Delta scenario, lets have a proper background on all this rubbish. Those guys were deprived of so many basic amenities and I feel sorry for them but in the same light, every state has people who are deprived of basic amenities so hey do we become jungle jurors and take laws into our hands? Ken Saro-Wiwa fought an intellectual battle so to say for the Ogoni people and at the end of the day he was jailed and later killed. So maybe, just maybe the people had the right to be upset. I don’t know or care about what and how monies are appropriated to Niger-delta states on a monthly basis but I am aware that the money appropriated to three local governments in Bayelsa or Delta is more than what the whole of Benue State gets. Have the people of Benue State taken it upon themselves to get guns and fight because they are the food basket of the nation and they feel aggrieved? Maybe not just yet… maybe because the trend is gradually being set, when the Niger Delta issue got escalated, what did our government do? They arranged a “Tea-party” or their usual committees for fact finding mission, set up a Niger-Delta ministry and arranged for reformation of the militants, that one is another almost boring story but has it stopped anything?

Five steps forward, the year of the “loonies”, Boko Haram. Why wont a group of illiterates cook up a storm? The thugs blended with the intellectuals to have MEND, the government dint stop it, they had talks with them and set up a ministry and put these criminals on a payroll. DISCLAIMER: I’m not pointing fingers at anyone directly based on their region or ethnicity but rather their motives and work ethics. Sadly we live in a country where you get robbed, the cops come over and tell you to thank God you weren’t shot or it would have been something else. A nation where graduates can’t get jobs so they turn to armed robbery or prostitution because they have a tool, “An excuse”.

They say we had one of the most free and fair elections in the history of Nigeria in 2011, members of the National Youth Service lost their lives because they were being forced to be patriots and help with the elections. They and other innocent Nigerians were killed before and after the elections but they chose to sweep it under the carpet, till date no one has found out who the masterminds of those attacks are or even if they did, what has been done? Or the fact that some sick people were able to plant bombs in the police headquarters or Abacha Barracks and all we did was mourn for more innocent lives lost? We have the SSS, DMI and the NSA and they mean to say they were not aware of this? Or till date they have no idea how all of these things happen? I don’t need to work with the military intelligence to know about the use of information and its gathering process. The masquerades who pretend to have religious reasons for their obvious idiocy and criminality have a blog site where they celebrate their lunacy, so we don’t have information security experts who can track down these bloggers or monitor their chatter? Before you murmur and say it is easier said than done, please tell me, what has been done about all of these? I have some “very patriotic” friends (and I say this with enough sarcasm for 10,000 grown men) who say we should cut the government some slack because it is still a new government. Well we know the drill, the government will set up another 11-man committee, get them accommodation somewhere and hold talks with some other people who will be paid for lip service and 3 months later they will come back with a 500 paged fact finding report bound beautifully in green white green leather. Who knows they may even set up a Boko Haram Ministry.

What is happening now is the case of Damien versus Damon with bad or complacent parenting skills and decisions, whether we like it or not, it is spiraling downwards if we choose to sit and babysit our leaders, I keep saying it is until you lose people close to you that you find out how serious the current lunacy has become. It is not religious or tribal, something is wrong somewhere and it should be fixed someone should please tell our dad (Mr president and all those involved) that it is time to show what type of parent he is. P.s all those people with conspiracy theories, keep distracting yourselves. Talk is cheap but at least it is still free, I’ve said my piece.

(pardon my typos...editing takes the randomness away)

Randomly yours,
That Andy

Tuesday, 5 July 2011


You had a black and white TV in 1960, you felt it was the best thing since late night stories under the Iroko tree, would you call us senseless if we are now fazed by large flat screen TVs? I frown when I see grown men (the youth of today) wearing tight jean pants which they call skinny jeans but I let it slide because our parents and even some of us wore those things (bala bala trousers ) in the 70’s and 80’s until they came back into fashion in the early 2000’s and surprisingly some parents thought their children had lost their marbles. Before you close this page, I’ll let you know what this is all about. This is not a comparison, this is about a girl I love, one I share with millions of people around the world, she is way older than I am, and we call her MUSIC. Just like so many things in life, some parents and the immediate older generation may not be pleased with the girls of today, the same way they disapprove of the songs made in “our time”. This is about music, a writer’s generalisation and the one-sided opinion we are expected to accept just because it is not what it used to be.

A week ago I saw a post on by Ikhide R Ikheloa in his “EMAIL FROM AMERICA: Stop the music. Please”. He had this and a lot to say about Nigerian music and musicians:

“Most of today’s Nigerian musicians remind me of Cacofonix. From D’banj on down, they should all be tied to mango trees and their mouths plugged with fake Naira notes, never ever to play music again ever. ..”
(Link: )

Apart from the fact that I find that post very condemning and condescending, I have also tried to see some sense in what the writer had to say. Yes he gave credit to Asa before saying it seems like anyone who has access to the internet can go to a “studio” in Ajegunle and “release” something. Seriously there have always been the good musicians and the bad ones, you had Madonna and people like Marylyn Monroe and we have the Lady Gaga and Dbanj of our time. The older generation in your time frowned at the music you listened to and the films you watched, it is okay to point out the fact that there are some totally senseless songs out there right now, but the truth is that you had more or even worse in your time. Why don’t we all say ATM cards and Computers are straight from hell and should be burnt to ashes because they are signs of the end time? The writer literally had nothing good to say about modern music and he even went as far as trashing Fela’s music before adding that Fela had “common sense to strike out in an original direction”. I have one question: What do you want Sir?

There are a million and one reasons for the youth of today to be depressed and confused, the music you call rubbish has given a handful of Nigerians some form of employment, that studio which you think they are all in “Ajegunle”, has got a producer, an artiste and maybe a sound Engineer and simple maths should equate that to three people off the streets with guns. For some of us, the music you call horrible is the single thing that makes us smile when we have everything to frown about. The truth is that music doesn’t have to even make sense to be good. You don’t need to understand it. I’m sure you listen to songs like Kumbaya which the slaves sang and you will call that original music. The beauty of music is the fact that you hear a song in Spanish or a song like Windeck in French or Portuguese and you find yourself bopping your head to it even though you don’t have an idea about what they mean.

All I ask is that you and your generation should give us a chance; a chance to smile, a chance to create opportunities and jobs for ourselves rather than condemn literally everything out there. It is because the older generation has hijacked the jobs to recycle and share amongst themselves that is why some young people are out there trying to sing because that is one of the few sectors your generation hasn’t kidnapped from us “YET”. This is why you hear people trying and some of them making music that hurts the heart and ears. With all due respect Dear Writer, you talk about studying our music in earnest and then the artiste you choose to do your research on is “Vocal Slender”? Seriously you base your research on artiste bankrolled by BBC for a documentary which had nothing good to say about your country Nigeria? Let’s take about 40 steps back to your time, how many African Artistes from your days made it to the Billboards or International awards? These guys you literally condemn like Dbanj, 2Face and M.I have brought international attention to the African Entertainment Industry. They have won international awards so maybe, just maybe they are doing something right. Give our generation some credit rather than general condemnation. I’m sure you love bob Marley and Marvin Gaye but it is okay to call music by 2face and modern artistes horrible?

The column is called “Email from America”, I will not accuse the writer of sitting down in America and condemning modern Nigerian music, because i know this would be doing what he has done which is generalising. I know young Nigerians in America, Canada and Britain who have played a major role in making our music get to the fans who love and appreciate the music you call horrible. Check and a lot more ... give our generation some credit, it may take a while but gradually we are getting there and we have results to show. The glass you sit behind is very transparent, even if you don’t throw stones, you should understand that people are watching and listening... It is just like music, LET IT PLAY.
Check out Ikhide R Ikheloa’s “STOP THE MUSIC POST” ON 234NEXT Link:

Randomly Yours,
July 2011

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

What happened to that girl? Humility...Random Rambling Series

She was so pretty, quiet and naive... everybody loved her. She stayed in her room all the time with the lights off and the duvet over her head. Everybody loved her, they claimed they had her but they lied. They lie everyday because the truth is, she ran away because she was in the room for so long and no one noticed her, they forgot her name. They haven't even noticed that she barely exists anymore. Her name is her virtue, she is Humility.

It is funny how the best examples of people now come from twitter or facebook. There is someone who fits every and any description on the internet. You know that friend you have always known in university or high school and you find the person on the internet like a character from a Mills and something novel (can't remember the name) or like an actor from a movie playing a script to perfection and you cant help but ask: is this not that Andy who was timid, stupid and very bla bla bla? Truth is that people change either for good or negatively but the fact is that people will change.

I have a couple of friends who dated the same girl Humility (you still don't get?), these guys were really nice and cool but I look at them in recent times and I feel like hitting a rock on their heads when I see how much they have changed and the type of things they say especially on social networking sites, precisely twitter and I'm guessing a couple of people see me in the same light because I may as well be writing about myself and my flaws but putting it on other people because we really love to place blames on the next guy. This is where I will try to tell you about Humility and her ex-boyfriends.

You used to beg people to listen to and play your songs, you were a nobody and technically you are still in the process of becoming a success story but your attitude is so repulsive it would make a non-living thing puke. You now talk about places you've never been to or things you've never done, you come on twitter and complain about that boy/girl stalking you when in reality you literally came on to that person. Delete that part. Lets talk about the things you speak about. You go to a town where people are paying to see you but you would rather come on twitter to slag the town and your hotel room because PHCN has don abracadabra for 5 mins and you come on twitter to cuss out the town or the fans who won't let you rest? we know you need to rest and you are most likely "jet-lagged after a 45minute flight ", if there is anything like that... what happened to humility? What would she say?

Someone I respected so much just needed to say something to make me lose a chunk of respect I had for her. She saw my beautiful black and curvaceous blackberry curve and said "I will rather not have a phone than use a blackberry curve, If it is not a WHITE BOLD I wont bother". Hmmm that was my phone which someone bought for me as a gift and I really really appreciated it because 1) it takes great pictures in the day time, 2) It actually lets me use twitter, bbm, Facebook and Whatsapp without saying ~sent using bb torch 3) I could listen to my music on it. That's my own personal example, she had the right to have her opinion, maybe I read meanings into things too much but I feel there are certain things you just shouldn't say. Then there are the Ipad and iPhone users who may just chat shit about other devices just because they have got a device which will be outdated when apple releases the upgrade 6months later.

I was going through tweets on one night and a couple of girls and guys were having a bubble at people who use Snaptu.(Most people are guilty of this and may take offense but go wash your perception with soap and palm oil). I was quick to notice this because I am aware my kid brother sister both use snaptu and I know I've seen it on the Blackberry app world but nay, some people think you are a broke ass to be using snaptu as it means you can't afford a blackberry and so you are not up to them. How many of you actually bought that phone yourself and even if you did, has it occurred to you that not everybody can afford that phone you own? She left you didn't she? Humility.

Teachers remind me of school and also about break time and bells. I hated school for the 1st 20 years of my life so it is only natural to hate bells. By bells in this instance I mean #Gbagaun. You think it is only Goodluck Jonathan who had no shoes and had to trek to school? The fact that you went to a couple of good schools and maybe you had the opportunity to watch fancy movies and you were able to brush up your English doesn't give you the right to embarrass people who speak bad English. Now I have to google some things to be sure the spelling is right just because I want to tweet or update my status? We should be ashamed of ourselves because we are no different from the bullies in school who beat up the vulnerable kids. Yeah I know it is all fun and games but has it ever occurred to you that those bullies really think or thought they were joking? Not everyone has or had the opportunities you had. I'm not being funny, but we've all had the occasional laugh at 2face and Rita of Koko Mansion, ever wonder why they don't tweet freely? There's a huge possibility that it is because we have made them feel they do not belong to our elite clan of educated and smart English teachers on twitter. I've been called too sensitive and touchy for this topic so I'll let people joke on as usual but hey, its just my rambling opinion.

What happened to that girl? Humility. She was so pretty, quiet and naive... everybody loved her. She stayed in her room all the time with the lights off and the duvet over her head. Everybody loved her, they claimed they had her but they lied. They lie everyday because the truth is, she ran away because she was in the room for so long and no one noticed her, they forgot her name. They haven't even noticed that she barely exists anymore. Her name is her virtue, she is Humility.

It is not a girl, its a virtue we should remember, we are all guilty and I have more things to ramble about but I'm beginning to bore myself, I know I maybe guilty of some things I have just rambled about, I also hope I don't delete this post as I have done with my last three notes which never got posted. But hey its a new month and we should have something to have in sight. This rambling may just make sense to someone... Be nice to the next man, no one knows his pain, no one knows tomorrow.

To be continued...

Randomly Yours
June 1, 2011

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Sunday, 1 May 2011

You're getting older, so what?

I'm doing the dishes, I can't remember using them but since I have to take out the bin, I may as well clean the mess. Playlist on shuffle, an RnB song finds its way to my party mix and I pick up my phone to see what song so I can change it then I listen to the words and it is "What you think - Jennifer Hudson". A green icon on the home page on my phone means someone just called my name (on twitter) and it is @ifreke who writes for "YNaija". This is where my random rambling mind wanders...

For some reason I remember the founders/creators of "The Future Awards" and I remember reading somewhere that they started when they were under 25years old and today it has become one of the most prestigious awards in Nigeria (in my opinion). The sub-conscious pressure kicks in and I ask myself: what have you done? Skip that, this is not about me. Its about the unnecessary pressures we put ourselves under these days. The bitter truth is that, no matter how successful you are today, some of your mates will always do better than you while you do better some one point in time. How easily do we let ourselves get swallowed by pressure or maybe guilt? So he/she copied your work in school and now they are making millions while you are here, Big deal! you really don't know how they got there and how long they will be there. See it as motivation to do what you can do to be better, not necessarily better but do something which will make you happy.

Fred was the youngest in amongst his contemporary since he was a child, he was also the smartest, most successful and seemingly happy. Whatever he put his hands on always turned into something successful. At 21 he had a master's degree, he had his own company and he was someone everyone wanted to hang around. Jason was supposedly the best friend, he wasn't envious, but he was 2years older and still trying to complete his national youth service corp scheme. Jason went as far as making a blood oath with a voodoo priest which would make him more successful than Fred. What Jason did not know was that Fred had HIV from a razor cut and Fred had only 2years to live. Are you Jason? or Fred (without the HIV)?

Paula and Jemma are best friends and they call themselves Best Friends For Life. Paula had it all, a good job, nice boyfriend; the type every girl wants to have and everything is so good for her. The annoying part according to Jemma is the fact that Paula is not even pretty and she is fatter than Jemma but Paula gets all the attention. Behind closed doors, what no one knows about is that Philip (Paula's boyfriend) has a horrible temper and when he is angry, he physically abuses Paula. That time she claimed she fell down and dislocated her arm, It was Philip's handwork.... Jemma was desperate, she met an old Millionaire and got married to him. 2 weeks after the wedding, she realised that she was just his 3rd wife and the man was impotent.

So are you about to get married just because you are thirty and single and you feel this is your last chance? Are you with a partner who constantly cheats on you and make you feel like crap? Are you a guy willing to get shagged by a fellow man just because he has promised you 3million Naira? Are you going to shag that politician just because you need a car and all your mates have got cars? you're getting older, so what?

What's that smell? Shit! I forgot i was warming the stew and I also left the tap running just because I let my randomness get the best of me. Maybe I've been thinking I'm getting older and I'm not where I want to be... well, in trying to clean up the mess in that kitchen I've made a bigger mess just like some of us do in life. as for you, you're getting older, so what? stop thinking, start acting and act right.

Randomly yours,


Sunday, 17 April 2011

An Adult vs A 5year Old child - My Anger Management Theory

It was a 10hour flight, as usual i had an obese seat mate who was asleep even before we took off... all I had on my mind was take off so I could ask the air hostess for gin and tonic (Its purely medicinal, it helps me sleep *insert angel smiley*) I wish it could help me sleep but for several reasons, it's hard sleeping while in the air because I want to be awake if anything is going down. Like clockwork, as the plane took off it felt like someone told all the mother's to pinch their children and lo and behold I felt like I was in a nursery class with about 15 children, the crying had begun. Who ever created earplugs must have been half dead as that stuff reduces noise/sound only by 50%...or the kids crying kids had microphones. Ignoring the other kids, the nice lady sitting not too far from me with her young child scolded him to shut up. It dint work and she smiled...then *whisps* she slaps him. Did the child stop crying? read to the end and find out.

Now that I've gotten your attention, we can do the boring bit of me trying to sound smart as I ramble almost randomly about a topic I had

no plan to write about although I have been toying with the topic. I hope I end up making some sense. It was blistering cold outside and I ran to the shower and turned it on HOT then stupidly jumped in and let it rain on me. Believe me when I say this gave me the topic for this post as it was no Eureka moment, It was that moment where you tell yourself: you are stupid...It is so easy to do things in the heat of passion, I knew I would have been patient to check how hot the water was but no I wasnt, thankfully I wasnt hurt. Before I turn this post into a soft porn descriptive post, lets stick to the topic. I put together the thought of impatience and anger, passion and pleasure, ego and anger, theories and bullshit.

Impatience vs patience: The first thought that comes to my mind is a boy and a girl having emmm unprotected "stroll" and he promises not to come inside. Then at the heat of the moment, he says what the heck then he "waltz in" saying they will "wash up later" (if you don't get this, stop reading now). Sometimes we really get carried away and it is mostly justifiable because our emotions. I don't believe we do not think before we act, I believe we just think about it and say damn the consequences and then we do what we want. We have all said stuff to someone we care/cared about and in most cases we regret those words. The bad part about theses things is that when the words leave your mouth and gets to the other person's ears, its like a stamp which can't be washed away cos you said sorry. But then most times we dont really mean this harsh words, we just say them out of anger. (once again I forgot to discuss Impatience and Patience... did I? lets ramble on)

ANGER: When I think about anger, two things come to my mind. Relationships and Ego. I should never give relationship advise as I have come to believe I'm horrible at it, so what do I do? I don't see it as a relationship, I see as very good exclusive friends with probably a little or a lot of *ahem* as part of it, with me giving all I can give into the "thing we have" and then i realize that it works better. Well that's what I would like to believe but I already hear an angry chic whispering "player". We let the smallest things tick us off. He said he is busy but he is busy on twitter and facebook (that slimy bugger). Why will you just start talking to me without saying good morning? (I'm one of those who say hey and it goes as good morning, afternoon and evening). Who is xyz and why is he calling you? why are you wearing that? why are you talking to me like that? How dare you tell me "whatever"? Am I your mate? .... *sigh*. This are just examples I have used for/on people and other people have used against me. The other part is EGO: Most times we don't really give a "back door " about what he/she said, we just feel they should not say or do that and then we sit down and wait for the other party to say sorry. Then other party being stubborn may as well feel they've done nothing to be sorry about. brings us back to EGO. i WISH i COULD EXPLAIN THIS BETTER BECAUSE IT IS NOT JUST RELATIONSHIPS BUT BUSINESS AND WITH FRIENDS.

My Theory - People are all five year old mentally when they get mad. Anger, pride and ego makes you want to always believe that you are the correct person while the other person is wrong. A child will try to get stuff, maybe try stealing it, if they dont get it, they cry for it. With some adults, most adults actually, they try to make sure they are heard, either by shouting and or saying stuff that will hurt you. In some cases they hit you. all these traits are typical of five year old kids. so are you a five year old?

THE THEORY: You can't be having a screaming battle with a child. when someone is angry or upset, let them rant, picture them as a 5yr old child seeking your attention, they don't really have to get what they want, it's like giving a child your key holder to play with and removing the keys.
it's all about tact, you can't be mad at someone when the other person is equally mad. In some cases, total silence is a beautiful way of handling it because at the end of the long rant, the person wonders why you cant be bothered and then they wanna be sure you even heard what they said (emmm give arm's length just incase they try to slap you like the woman in the plane and her child).

THE EXCEPTION: Annelies was so mad at Trevor and he told her a lot of stuff itemizing all her cock ups which he was totally fed up with and then she said he was mean and he always had those things in mind which means he never blaah blaah, goats, rats, chickens and pork = LONG THING. So the next time they had a fight guess what? he pictured her as a 5yr old who really wanted stuff and was so mad at him for refusing, he thought he handled it calmly, he agreed with her totally and even apologised for stuff he dint give a swollen nose about...She missed the point and said he dint care and it has led to indifference because he doesn't even say anything again. There are no set rules and even with some five year olds, nothing works

An Adult vs A 5year Old child - My Anger Management Theory may be common knowledge, but the truth is that we all let the smallest things get us angry and we tend to say a lot of things we should not say and do things we should not do. When next someone is trying to piss you off, picture the person as a 5yr old and then handle the situation as you may handle a kid. With tact.

Scrolling back to my flight, the woman gave her child a slap that sounded like an applause. Did I see her as a mean abusive parent? No comment. Did it stop the child from crying? YES, for about ten minutes. What happens after that 10minutes? another slap? or the mother whispering things to the child to calm him? to be honest, at this stage, the gin and tonic had started working and when I woke up, we were almost landing...

To be continued....

Randomly Yours,
April 2011

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Not My Pain... a different type of shape, sickle; they say

I really don't know what I want to write about, maybe its the headache, or the body pain I feel just because I was trying to impress some girl at the gym yesterday... but then, I have it good. So many sad stories lately, people dying, young people especially but I have learnt not to question God. About my pain. it makes me wonder how sickle cellers (as my aunt calls them) feel and then I remembered a post by (Muhammad Abdullahi: @dat88boi *0n twitter*) I saw on the iBlend bb chat group. Take a moment and forget your pain, see life through the heart of someone who feels his own pain.... Please dont stop now!.

"Growing up with Sickle Cell Anemia in me, is the greatest challenge ever.
Sometimes it makes me feel like life has no meaning.

You have a lot of rules to abide by, so all the things i loved doing as a kid i couldn't do.
I had to stop playing football which i liked, completely, because i was giving reasons not to.
I Cant party freely without anticipating crisis, and i love my parties.

If you go against these rules knowingly or unknowingly then the pain crisis comes to take life out of you.

When the pains take over the control of my body, i then wish i had someone to talk to me, not necessarily give me advice, but to speak continously as i listen and feel their heartbeat.

This routine helps me a lot because the pains are so persistent and excruciating that i sometimes
forget the essence of my existence.

I experience a lot of pains in my bones and joints, have fever, and i deal with other complications all in one attack by my Sickle Cell disease.

When i am in a crisis, the pain is usually so severe that no medication is strong enough to make me stop hurting completely.

The pain sometimes takes away my physical ability, makes me unable to walk with my legs, and sometimes i cant even carry something as light as a rubber cup.

In such situations, I blashpem lol, but i ask God for forgivenes when i realise my wrong.

Most times I look at my folks, tears in their eyes, with no hope but pity for me, thinking that moment of inestimable and seemingly unsummountable pain might probably be my last on earth. Some even wish they could take some of the physical pain and share with me.

My parents played a strong role in helping me have a normal and healthy life.
They gave me hope, helped me through the pains, cried when i cried, smiled when i smiled, when the pain subsided.

I lost some friends over the years, some over a decade ago, and everytime i'm being rushed into the emergency ward, i always feel that my time to join them has come.
But here i am, still istill in the struggle, still alive.

The idea and fact that they are in a better place, with no pain but pleasure, playing and eating freely without the fear of any crisis, makes me wish i could join them, anytime i'm in pains.

Death became no scare to me, because i had seen many of my type succumb to it.
Of late, having Sickle Cell didn't really bother me, only when i was in serious pains.

The truth is i always look at Sickle Cell as my gift and my curse.
I became an advocate when i was about 11 years old, from advocating for Child's Right to HIV and AIDS to Youthful Media, and even Global Peace and Unity.

I decided to do all these because of the challenges posed to me by Sickle Cell Anemia, to prove to the world that my type can still do extra-ordinary things if they wish to and nohting can stop them, no! not even the UN-imaginable pain" - Muhammad Abdullahi ( @dat88boi on twitter).

Now I'm glad I saved this post, take a moment and pray for the sick, take another moment and be thankful for the gift of life.

Randomly Yours,
April 2010

Friday, 11 March 2011

Ivy...More than Just a plant

I have a lot of friends, the closest ones are the ones i haven’t seen, they live on twitter and facebook, they sleep somewhere in my phone... some of them I've met and some I plan to meet. Some of them I'll never meet, Ivy falls into one of these categories. We never dated, we never met physically, we aren’t related and I have forgotten her birthday but she was someone I was really close to, me, she made me think of the word Ivy as more than just a plant. From when she followed me on twitter and was very nice to me that I felt she was tripping, to the moment she thought I was someone else (My brother Eddie). It became interesting as she immediately started comparing both of us and soon we were very good friends. She read by blogpost on "Trust" and told me she would steal it (LINK: ) Our friendship lasted for four months.

Staring at my phone today, I remember trying to call her on 3 days ago and her number was busy so I just chucked it away and never bothered. Ivy was an annoying friend who updated everything on her blackberry status, from what she was eating to how wicked Andy is for not talking to her today... Those frowns all of a sudden are now times to look back at and smile. I'm glad I kept in touch with her otherwise the pain would have been more. I remember when the illness started and she told me she was in Akwa Ibom for the Miss Akwa Ibom pageant. She said she felt ill and couldn’t move her arms. She dint win the pageant but she came second position and we laughed when I said she is hotter than the girl who won. Our last convo was two weeks ago when I was on my way to work and I noticed that we had moved from talking on phone everyday to once a week (a bad trend these days), So I called her and she said she was on admission and she was about to finish this drip and go home. I asked what was wrong with her and she said "the doctors gave one long name like that, i am better but pray for me o". Actually told her to pray about it and I will pray for her. In my short prayer i said to God, Please let this girl not die o! then I asked if it was HIV or if she was pregnant, we laughed about it and I said I would keep in touch... I woke up today to find out she is now "was"...

I'm not an emotional person, i dint shed a tear and I wont even if I tried and sometimes this worries me. I think about all the people I am close to and ask myself if I'd still be close to them three months later because these days, good friendships barely last more than five months. They either lead to sex, or to other friends or enemies and most often we just drift away possibly because we got bored or we judged them without giving them a chance. When last did you call that friend? when last did you say thank you and mean it? I have a lot of friends who I have stopped talking to just because I found out that I'm the only one who keeps in touch or the fact that if i don't say hey, they never check on me and so I say hey a couple of times then let them be. Some of these friends, I'll never see.

I lost a friend yesterday and it made me think, one thing i don’t say was "why", I would have felt so guilty if I kept quiet all along and was quietly mad at Ivy for drifting away but that's not the case, I swallowed that stupid egg called pride and checked on a friend and the last thing we both said was take care... Then came the tsunami, I saw mass destruction on TV today how lives and property was destroyed like a Spielberg movie in Japan. Everyday people die, everyday some family is in grief, everyday is a bad day for someone somewhere but if we have a reason to be happy, we should affect people around us somehow.
I have a lot of friends, the closest ones are the ones i haven’t seen, they live on twitter and facebook, they sleep somewhere in my phone... some of them I've met and some I plan to meet. Some of them I'll never meet, Ivy falls into one of these categories to me, SHE WAS MORE THAN JUST A FLOWER.

I told myself this wasn’t going to be one of my random rambling series but obviously I’m not a blogger, I just ramble... I had something constructive to write down but all of a sudden, I don’t know anymore... We Miss you Ivy and you are now forever in our hearts.

Randomly Yours,
March 2011

Monday, 7 February 2011

"NO" .... Random Rambling Series

So how many asses have you kissed today? I don't mean literally but even if I do... neither is okay because basically, it stinks! I still wonder why I feel obliged to write, especially when I have nothing to write about or no idea what I'm doing but hey it's better than sitting down and looking for the next person to call "Hater" so I may as well be the hater this time. As usual none of this may make sense to you but since you've started reading, you might as well continue.I once had a post here on this blog titled "who cares", it just occurred to me that this may be a continuation of that post.

So how many things have you gone out of your way to do for people today? how many unnecessary favours do you owe people simply because you've accepted to do stuff for someone or people you really don't want to assist or stuff you haven't even got the time to do? think about it for a second and say this with me: "NO". I'm not exactly rude if I am being honest am I? If we cant do something or we don't want to then we should learn to say it straight up rather than dishing out more than we can finish (especially if we are not greedy politicians) because at the end of the day, some rubbish decisions and commitments we make ends up affecting us and everyone around us. I agree to do stuff for Funke so she doesn't feel bad or so that she finally "approves" of me, while I spend the rest of the day complaining to Enenu and Chidera who will now see me as someone who complains too much and then they tell the next person about my issues till it gets back to Funke. Its the frigging domino effect. Life is as round as a pizza, there are those bumpy edges but stuff goes round that pizza.

I think we are running out of role models in this generation because the moment we find someone to love and respect, that's when they either get cancer or some terminal disease and pass on or the media pulls up dirt on them to make us hate them. For instance we all loved Barney Stinson (from how I met your mother) until the media/internet had to inform us that the enforcer of the bro-code is "GAY" = Killed in my head! This is why we have resorted to making cartoon characters our new life coaches, inspiration and in some cases role models. Truth is that this cruel life hasn't got nothing on Stewie and Peter Griffin or in my case Huey and Riley Boondocks! lets pretend they are not characters created by human beings and they are two 10 and 8 year old cartoon characters, they inspired my love for the word "NO" from their tweets and some episodes of the series.

Its better to be called uncouth and have peace of mind than to be the sweetest person while we are sulking inside. I'm not the most truthful person on earth but I've learnt to differentiate being selfless from being stupid and I'm still learning. We are all eager to please the next person, we all want to be loved and accepted even when the joke is on us while we die inside? a lot of pain and trouble can be avoided by using one word: NO. If it aint yes then its no, it just depends on the fine words you use to express it but at the end of the day the point is still made. They say the world would end in 2012 and I hope this is a lie but while we are alive we can save ourselves 5 minutes of rubbish words by saying NO.

I hope I've been able to influence 5 people with this post by encouraging them to be rude (insert smiley face)which is not what I really mean. My views are very random and I may never read this post again as I'm officially bored with all I've written but I have one more thing to say:

"There's two sides to everything, as much as I would encourage you to say no rather than act the fool, you should remember that the opposite of NO is YES and no one really wants to hear No (unless its the reply to the question: are you cheating on me?)".

Randomly yours...

Febuary 7th 2011