Sunday, 17 April 2011

An Adult vs A 5year Old child - My Anger Management Theory

It was a 10hour flight, as usual i had an obese seat mate who was asleep even before we took off... all I had on my mind was take off so I could ask the air hostess for gin and tonic (Its purely medicinal, it helps me sleep *insert angel smiley*) I wish it could help me sleep but for several reasons, it's hard sleeping while in the air because I want to be awake if anything is going down. Like clockwork, as the plane took off it felt like someone told all the mother's to pinch their children and lo and behold I felt like I was in a nursery class with about 15 children, the crying had begun. Who ever created earplugs must have been half dead as that stuff reduces noise/sound only by 50%...or the kids crying kids had microphones. Ignoring the other kids, the nice lady sitting not too far from me with her young child scolded him to shut up. It dint work and she smiled...then *whisps* she slaps him. Did the child stop crying? read to the end and find out.

Now that I've gotten your attention, we can do the boring bit of me trying to sound smart as I ramble almost randomly about a topic I had

no plan to write about although I have been toying with the topic. I hope I end up making some sense. It was blistering cold outside and I ran to the shower and turned it on HOT then stupidly jumped in and let it rain on me. Believe me when I say this gave me the topic for this post as it was no Eureka moment, It was that moment where you tell yourself: you are stupid...It is so easy to do things in the heat of passion, I knew I would have been patient to check how hot the water was but no I wasnt, thankfully I wasnt hurt. Before I turn this post into a soft porn descriptive post, lets stick to the topic. I put together the thought of impatience and anger, passion and pleasure, ego and anger, theories and bullshit.

Impatience vs patience: The first thought that comes to my mind is a boy and a girl having emmm unprotected "stroll" and he promises not to come inside. Then at the heat of the moment, he says what the heck then he "waltz in" saying they will "wash up later" (if you don't get this, stop reading now). Sometimes we really get carried away and it is mostly justifiable because our emotions. I don't believe we do not think before we act, I believe we just think about it and say damn the consequences and then we do what we want. We have all said stuff to someone we care/cared about and in most cases we regret those words. The bad part about theses things is that when the words leave your mouth and gets to the other person's ears, its like a stamp which can't be washed away cos you said sorry. But then most times we dont really mean this harsh words, we just say them out of anger. (once again I forgot to discuss Impatience and Patience... did I? lets ramble on)

ANGER: When I think about anger, two things come to my mind. Relationships and Ego. I should never give relationship advise as I have come to believe I'm horrible at it, so what do I do? I don't see it as a relationship, I see as very good exclusive friends with probably a little or a lot of *ahem* as part of it, with me giving all I can give into the "thing we have" and then i realize that it works better. Well that's what I would like to believe but I already hear an angry chic whispering "player". We let the smallest things tick us off. He said he is busy but he is busy on twitter and facebook (that slimy bugger). Why will you just start talking to me without saying good morning? (I'm one of those who say hey and it goes as good morning, afternoon and evening). Who is xyz and why is he calling you? why are you wearing that? why are you talking to me like that? How dare you tell me "whatever"? Am I your mate? .... *sigh*. This are just examples I have used for/on people and other people have used against me. The other part is EGO: Most times we don't really give a "back door " about what he/she said, we just feel they should not say or do that and then we sit down and wait for the other party to say sorry. Then other party being stubborn may as well feel they've done nothing to be sorry about. brings us back to EGO. i WISH i COULD EXPLAIN THIS BETTER BECAUSE IT IS NOT JUST RELATIONSHIPS BUT BUSINESS AND WITH FRIENDS.

My Theory - People are all five year old mentally when they get mad. Anger, pride and ego makes you want to always believe that you are the correct person while the other person is wrong. A child will try to get stuff, maybe try stealing it, if they dont get it, they cry for it. With some adults, most adults actually, they try to make sure they are heard, either by shouting and or saying stuff that will hurt you. In some cases they hit you. all these traits are typical of five year old kids. so are you a five year old?

THE THEORY: You can't be having a screaming battle with a child. when someone is angry or upset, let them rant, picture them as a 5yr old child seeking your attention, they don't really have to get what they want, it's like giving a child your key holder to play with and removing the keys.
it's all about tact, you can't be mad at someone when the other person is equally mad. In some cases, total silence is a beautiful way of handling it because at the end of the long rant, the person wonders why you cant be bothered and then they wanna be sure you even heard what they said (emmm give arm's length just incase they try to slap you like the woman in the plane and her child).

THE EXCEPTION: Annelies was so mad at Trevor and he told her a lot of stuff itemizing all her cock ups which he was totally fed up with and then she said he was mean and he always had those things in mind which means he never blaah blaah, goats, rats, chickens and pork = LONG THING. So the next time they had a fight guess what? he pictured her as a 5yr old who really wanted stuff and was so mad at him for refusing, he thought he handled it calmly, he agreed with her totally and even apologised for stuff he dint give a swollen nose about...She missed the point and said he dint care and it has led to indifference because he doesn't even say anything again. There are no set rules and even with some five year olds, nothing works

An Adult vs A 5year Old child - My Anger Management Theory may be common knowledge, but the truth is that we all let the smallest things get us angry and we tend to say a lot of things we should not say and do things we should not do. When next someone is trying to piss you off, picture the person as a 5yr old and then handle the situation as you may handle a kid. With tact.

Scrolling back to my flight, the woman gave her child a slap that sounded like an applause. Did I see her as a mean abusive parent? No comment. Did it stop the child from crying? YES, for about ten minutes. What happens after that 10minutes? another slap? or the mother whispering things to the child to calm him? to be honest, at this stage, the gin and tonic had started working and when I woke up, we were almost landing...

To be continued....

Randomly Yours,
April 2011

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Not My Pain... a different type of shape, sickle; they say

I really don't know what I want to write about, maybe its the headache, or the body pain I feel just because I was trying to impress some girl at the gym yesterday... but then, I have it good. So many sad stories lately, people dying, young people especially but I have learnt not to question God. About my pain. it makes me wonder how sickle cellers (as my aunt calls them) feel and then I remembered a post by (Muhammad Abdullahi: @dat88boi *0n twitter*) I saw on the iBlend bb chat group. Take a moment and forget your pain, see life through the heart of someone who feels his own pain.... Please dont stop now!.

"Growing up with Sickle Cell Anemia in me, is the greatest challenge ever.
Sometimes it makes me feel like life has no meaning.

You have a lot of rules to abide by, so all the things i loved doing as a kid i couldn't do.
I had to stop playing football which i liked, completely, because i was giving reasons not to.
I Cant party freely without anticipating crisis, and i love my parties.

If you go against these rules knowingly or unknowingly then the pain crisis comes to take life out of you.

When the pains take over the control of my body, i then wish i had someone to talk to me, not necessarily give me advice, but to speak continously as i listen and feel their heartbeat.

This routine helps me a lot because the pains are so persistent and excruciating that i sometimes
forget the essence of my existence.

I experience a lot of pains in my bones and joints, have fever, and i deal with other complications all in one attack by my Sickle Cell disease.

When i am in a crisis, the pain is usually so severe that no medication is strong enough to make me stop hurting completely.

The pain sometimes takes away my physical ability, makes me unable to walk with my legs, and sometimes i cant even carry something as light as a rubber cup.

In such situations, I blashpem lol, but i ask God for forgivenes when i realise my wrong.

Most times I look at my folks, tears in their eyes, with no hope but pity for me, thinking that moment of inestimable and seemingly unsummountable pain might probably be my last on earth. Some even wish they could take some of the physical pain and share with me.

My parents played a strong role in helping me have a normal and healthy life.
They gave me hope, helped me through the pains, cried when i cried, smiled when i smiled, when the pain subsided.

I lost some friends over the years, some over a decade ago, and everytime i'm being rushed into the emergency ward, i always feel that my time to join them has come.
But here i am, still istill in the struggle, still alive.

The idea and fact that they are in a better place, with no pain but pleasure, playing and eating freely without the fear of any crisis, makes me wish i could join them, anytime i'm in pains.

Death became no scare to me, because i had seen many of my type succumb to it.
Of late, having Sickle Cell didn't really bother me, only when i was in serious pains.

The truth is i always look at Sickle Cell as my gift and my curse.
I became an advocate when i was about 11 years old, from advocating for Child's Right to HIV and AIDS to Youthful Media, and even Global Peace and Unity.

I decided to do all these because of the challenges posed to me by Sickle Cell Anemia, to prove to the world that my type can still do extra-ordinary things if they wish to and nohting can stop them, no! not even the UN-imaginable pain" - Muhammad Abdullahi ( @dat88boi on twitter).

Now I'm glad I saved this post, take a moment and pray for the sick, take another moment and be thankful for the gift of life.

Randomly Yours,
April 2010