Sunday, 30 December 2012

Osuofia Moments - Of Bicycles, Cars and Airplanes


I was almost late to work 3 days ago. Now, being late was not the problem, but how do you explain that the gear of your bicycle broke? The thought of it made me laugh at myself. At a time when my mates are buying new cars and renting private jets, I'm wondering why a bicycle should have gears and why the damned thing should even have issues. Right?

It started in July when I bought a bicycle because I got tired of using the weather as an excuse to miss the gym, plus I really wanted to lose some weight. It worked because after 4 months, the same people who kept telling me about how fat I had become, they started saying "You've lost so much weight o", "Please stop losing weight before people will say you've caught some disease". The funniest was my silly brother who said "this boy, you better stop before people will say you've gone abroad to become a taxi driver". It wasn't so far fetched because the same year, I heard some gist about me being a gate/security man. Truth is, even though it was an ignorant rumour, it made me wonder if and what is wrong with someone being a gateman? Those people earn more than some blue and white collar job people.

Amazing how some things teach you a lesson in humility. I came across a 70+ year old woman who jogs at least 4 kilometres every morning. We had a beautiful encounter (or so I thought) one rainy morning when I rode past her, headphones on and all, I noticed she was saying something to me and so I slowed down to say hi. It was after taking off my headphones I realised she was swearing at me for riding past her and scaring her. Ignoring that, she made me realise that if someone in her 70's is jogging daily, I have no excuse not to try and stay fit... I had that fitness frame of mind for, about todays and went back to lazy me.


I had to go to Benue State in December. The journey from Abuja to Makurdi usually takes 3 hours, not this trip. As much as we may love road trips and all, this boy hates travelling. In order not to trouble anyone, including myself, I decided to use public transport. One hour into the journey, I found myself sweating profusely and pushing the bus. Over-heating. The driver had brilliantly forgotten to add water in his radiator that day. In a country where we are so used to "managing", the driver must have had a vision that the bus in it's rubbish state would get to Benue one way or the other. 5hours later, 3 sets of pushing the bus to jump-start it, I was still on the road. Ended up using 3 cars and spending six hours on the road.

I think at that stage, some sympathy would have been helpful. Rather than that, I had 3 friends who said: "Why didn't you just charter a private air-conditioned bus", "why didn't you drive", "You should have found someone to take you". Well, their comments encouraged me to happily fight them for about 2 days for their helpful comments. Truth is, even new cars break. Hummers have accidents and even helicopters crash. Truth is, shit happens.


For the first time in my life I was privileged to go to a particular country. Well it is a privilege because I didn't exactly grow up in wealth and so being able to give myself a holiday, this Osuofia decided to make the most of it. While we are at it, I'm scared of heights, planes and flying. Simple reason: In a car, a driver can step on the breaks, park and chill for a bit if he foresees some problems ahead. Airplanes cannot. Anyway, being a Nigerian, you can imagine my joy when I found out that the plane was a double decker A380 airbus and had sockets (this translates to charging ports for my BlackBerry battery's 1hour lifespan). Then wifi on the plane. Haaayyyyyyy! I had this "na me be this" moment.

So I gave my life to Christ 57 times this year. Why? Turbulence. I was on another flight from Lagos to Abuja, the flight had been delayed for 4hours and finally while flying, the plane kept on shaking/vibrating. The air hostess had scolded me for using my headphones connected to an ipod classic with no internet connection. If only she knew that this boy was scared and had queued his gospel songs playlist... Just incase the plane crashes, the 57 repentance prayers and gospel music would have definitely ushered me to heaven. Of course the plane landed and I returned to my sinful ways....


Cycling, Taxiing and flying, I chose to look for positive sides in all I went through. Not like they were life shattering issues or anything, but, as cliche as this may sound, there is always a positive side to everything. Work has been work, Nigeria has been Nigeria, too many lives lost. Friends made and lost. Good and bad times but one thing I know for sure is, through it all, I'm thankful.

Have a lovely 2013.

Ps, Happy Birthday @EddieMadaki (1 January)

Randomly yours

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Sweet November

For some reason, Stevie wonder’s “I just called to say i love you” song has been playing in my head for the last 10minutes. Scenes from The Cosby Show and Theo’s scattered room has been playing in my head... Coming to America, Police Academy, Wild Rose, Some Mother’s do ‘av ‘em and some memories from the past keep tumbling into my mind. And then a Lil Wayne song comes on and ruins my nostalgic mood. In the next couple of hours it would be my birthday. I always get this way before my birthday. Definitely not one to do the whole all out, partying spree and so I'm stuck with me.

It has been a good year, work has been work, family has been family, Nigeria is still Nigeria... I’m thankful. God has been faithful.

Dear November, please be good to me.

Randomly Yours,
That Andy

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Dark Clouds

The father has always been paranoid about security, as is expected with his military background. Give or take, I must have been about 15/16 years old, maybe younger. We had this house fellowship which churches organize in houses every 2 weeks on Sunday evenings. I kinda hated it because I felt; why have another service after attending one in the morning on the same day? We weren't really forced to attend but we did. My younger brother and sister were under 10 years old at the time.

House fellowship had just finished, and mum sent me to put on the lantern, the local one (with thread and fire) as we dint know how long the rechargeable lantern would last. I sorted that out after trying to turn on the "generator" and that too ended up not working. So we had to sort out lamps, gen and the whole works; my dear Nigeria. Mum and dad went outside the building, most likely to say their goodbyes to church members who came over. The gate must have been open and the house, very accessible.

I saw some people walk in, and one grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, slapped me, one even hit me with his gun then told my siblings and I to lie face down while they pointed guns at us. Maybe it was the slap, but at first I thought it my dad who sent people to prove a point about always locking the gates and shutting the kitchen door. The stars from the slap obviously got my mind twisted. They asked for my dad, they asked for money and threatened to shoot my baby sister if she looked at them... Everything happened in about 10 minutes. I'm glad they didn't meet my parents, father would have tried some James Bond bravery stunt which may not have gone right. Fast forward some hours later, the police came in, told us sorry and that we should thank God no one was hurt. The end. As in, that's all. Finito.

Same year, two other members of my family had personal experiences with armed robbers. A few months later, some thieves were caught in Makurdi where we lived, tires were thrown in and they were burnt to death, their bodies left on the road for 2 days. Some more thieves were caught and the same thing happened. Crime wave was high, ASUU/Nigerian Universities were on strike (industrial action) and so I concluded that because school was on "break", cultists were bored or broke and that explained the crime wave.

Fast forward about 15 years after my personal experience. On 1, October 2012, over 40 students in a school (Federal Polytechnic Mubi, Adamawa State) were murdered by fellow humans, this is something most people know almost nothing about. A few days later, some students were beaten up and burnt to death by the people of their host community; they called the students thieves. NOTE: I am 100% against how those students in Mubi and Aluu were killed. More people are being killed in all sort of ways these days. Flood and natural disasters too is another story. I don't have to go on about how sad this makes me feel.

In summation, I tried not to comment on it. In my head I compared the killings to the one by Anders Breivik in Norway, the Colorado movie theatre shootings, the high school shooting in Ohio and many others... The killers got CAUGHT and PROSECUTED. I try not to expect or blame the government or police for everything, but I wonder if ours don't see efforts made in other places. I thought about the students who got burnt and ... Well, even though I had a personal experience, here is what I think: Jungle/vigilante justice is never the answer. It won't stop crime, may reduce it for a while but it didn't stop it when thieves were burnt in Makurdi years ago, it won't stop now. But we don't have to be animals, what's the point in "robbing Peter to pay Paul"? Being judge and jury? As for the rest of us, may these things never happen to us. Experience isn't the best teacher if it happens to you or someone close. Learn from others. Apparently history still repeats itself...

I look up and as much as I want to see hope and a bright future, feels like all I can see are Dark Clouds...

Randomly yours...
October 2012

Friday, 28 September 2012

Growing Up - Fiona Amuzie

I didn't come up with this but I completely lmfao when I read it.

It reminded me of what childhood should be about. And yes, I did most of these ridiculously fun things and it was amazing and I'm proud to say I had an AWESOME childhood and I miss being a child.
I miss the days when we went to school,lined up and the headmistress and teachers would inspect our nails and uniform and then we match to our classrooms.

You Remember??
• The days of Nasco Biscuit,Trebor, Iced coloured water tied in nylon, we called it "lolly"
• The days of Goody-Goody and pako biscuit. X_X
• The days of Ali and Simbi, Mr Salami and Mrs Salami, Agbon, Edet lives in Calabar....
• Chei, I remember those days when one naira na money, when groundnut was 5 kobo. & choco milo sweet was 5 kobo
• The days of 'messing game','who is in the garden', 'police and thief'
• The days of mama & papa play
• The days when we used to build houses with sand, play suwe game,tinco tinco,change your style, ten ten, skipping, stop! You remember nau!
•Those days when we used to fly kite on the streets, when boys used to use the paint bucket cover as tire & their daddy's hanger as the steering
•Those days when rubber band was stock exchange
•The days when votron, jimbo, power rangers, spider man was our favourite cartoons
• The days of limca soft drinks & choco milo advert on black and white tv and sunday rendevous by 1:30pm
• When we say 'leke leke give me white finger'
• Those days when eleganza pen was the best
• The days when we used to drink water from the tap even suck out the water if its not coming out
• The days when NTA will show rainbow color for 30 mins then national anthem before they resume program @ 4pm
• The days when basket sandals, Simbi and bata sandals were the best
• The days when we all sang sandalili sandalili songs, dstv has come and the old fun has gone
I'm really proud to have experienced all these.
If you are not smiling it means you were not born in my generation.
I just hope that your children's generation would enjoy what we enjoyed and all the technobabble stuff wouldn't ruin their childhood.

Enjoy your lifetime!

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Aunty's House

There's always that one family, that comes to visit on Sundays to reduce our ration of "Sunday rice". Yes, well, I did not like those Sunday visitors, can't they see the sun? They should stay in their house na... Well, I just realized that my elder brother and my dad were guilty of this (unknowingly).

Frequent visitors to Aunty's house. The cool part is that Aunty didn't mind. She loved cooking, or let's say they loved cooking in that house. She was an aunt and a guardian to our dad when he was a student at the University of Jos, Nigeria. She did the same thing for my brother, even though they were not just Sunday visitors, her house was a home to everyone.

It is no surprise that Aunty's children are brilliant cooks, her son included. I've always said, don't let Oche cook for your girlfriend or else you will come to his house and find her there one day. I guess it runs in the family. These are some of the memories I have about Aunty's house.

In May 2011, My dad came to visit me in Wales and made sure we went to Manchester to see his Aunty. That journey ehn! If not that it was Aunty's house and the fact that I knew I would go and enjoy good food, I'd have found a reason not to go. I also needed to tease Oche and make him jealous when she cooked for us.

As usual Aunty saw me and asked "Is this Eddie or Andy?", she welcomed us and went straight to the kitchen. I won't go into details about the food but it was very "Ghen geun". We watched Manchester United play Manchester City or was it Chelsea(?) I can't remember. I remember she loves Manchester United, my dad loves Arsenal. They spent good time talking about how Chelsea fans are touts and why they think it is weird that I am a Chelsea fan.

With two parents in one room, Andy sitting down, pretending to concentrate on what was showing on TV, it wasn't long before they drifted into marriage gist. They analyzed all her children and their partners, discussed about my brother and then came back to me. She said "Andy why are you not saying any thing? What do you think about all we have said?"...

I had a really nice time.

That was the last time I saw Aunty, we had devotion and prayed in the morning. I promised to come back and visit her. In August 2011, Oche called me to tell me Aunty just passed on...
The entire time we were at her house, Aunty was ill but she hid it well and was very positive. Its been one year now and I'm glad I went to Manchester, I'm glad she was always there for us. We miss Aunty, we celebrate her...

I'll always remember Aunty's house, she's forever in our hearts. I know she's in heaven cooking up a storm as usual.

Randomly Yours,
That Andy
August 2012

Monday, 30 July 2012

My Mai-Guard Diaries (Lost)

Friday: I had a good day.

Saturday: I planned to cycle to work until I discovered I had a flat tyre. I had a funny day.

Sunday: I planned to walk to work. I did. After 7 minutes, I realized I forgot my glasses at home so I had to turn back, get my glasses and use a taxi to work.

Monday: I planned to use the bus to work. My alarm forgot to ring.I'm sure I didn't oversleep. I had to call a taxi. He answered me, went back to bed and made me almost late...

Go back to Wednesday:

Black and Jamaican bus drivers are people you don't want to mess with; they are always angry. Well, almost always. The black driver in my town seemed to be always mad at me and he didn't need to say a word, he just had that f**k off look whenever he saw me, like we were fighting for the hood throne. I remember one morning I had to be at work for 6 am, dude decided to stop the bus and smoke a cigarette (because I was the only one on the bus). I felt he wanted me to start a fight or maybe a conversation... two things I can't be bothered with at 5:35am.

On Wednesday, the black driver drove the 1 o'clock bus. That day, he said hello twice and asked me what I was listening to (because I had my headphones on). I told him it was some random Gospel music and he went on to have a long chat about how the Nigerians in his church always "did the most". They pray and sing louder than everyone in his church. We had a long and nice conversation. He went on till he made me miss my stop. He told me I just had to walk down the road and I'll find the post office. I walked and walked and walked with foolish confidence until I discovered I was lost (As usual). In my defence, the 3 streets looked the same.

I learnt some lessons last week.

I had every reason to have a bad week but I didn't let that happen, I saw it as an experience. I also learnt that most times we feel some people are snobs even before we reach out to them but in reality, we are the snobs. I still don't believe I have to say hey to the next man just because he is my "colour". Ultimately I realised that it doesn't hurt to say hey either. Most times I'm lost in a world of what I believe is appropriate but I learn everyday. We all do, if and when we want. Bla bla bla...

Think good thoughts....

Randomly Yours
July 2012

Thursday, 28 June 2012

Osuofia Moments (re-cycling)

"If you come between 1st to 10th position in school this term, I will buy you a bicycle", said the mother...

Well, for some reason I wasn't one of those who always came 1st in class but I survived and that term, I'm pretty sure I even got promoted on trial. There's this thing about parents where they threaten and punish you but at some point they may still get you what you asked for, even though you didn't achieve what they wanted (or sometimes, they just beat the shit out of you). To cut the long story short, I think I still got a bicycle because my elder brother (who was the smart one) did really well in school. To avoid a Cain and Abel situation, the parents decided to get him a bicycle and got one for me too in order for peace to reign. That was a wise move because knowing how mischievous I was, I would have deflated his tyres every night if I didn't get a bike too (insert straight face smiley).I had my bike for about a year before I was able to get rid of my fear of falling and actually teach myself how to ride.

Welcome to 2012

As a child I knew of only 2 types of bikes; "BMX and Chopper". I heard some even had gears but I never rode one or knew how that worked. This knowledge prepared me for my Osuofia moment when 20+ years later I decided to reunite with bicycles in a bid to be fit and to avoid waiting for buses and trains. It was one of those mornings when I needed to use a taxi butvcouldn't get one; it was even more annoying because if I had a bike I'd have made that short trip in about 30minutes. In a random moment I decided to get a bike after work. I chose to be a Nigerian and go for a "Ghen Geun" (big name, modern)one. The guy at the store asked me if I wanted one with 18 gears or 21 gears and I said "Hian, what's the difference please?"... Who would have thought bicycles had gears? who would have thought they have up to 21 gears? All I needed was two wheels to ride.It gave me greater joy when I reported my Osuofia moment to the brother and he didn't know about the plenty gears too. Sounds silly and unnecessary, but I had learnt something new from the simplest thing like a bicycle.

Being a Nigerian, it is typical to act like you know: why should I read a manual to ride a bike? Even though the last time I rode a bike Was when I was about 10years old. Proud as a cock, I took the bike to the road and started riding. The guy at the store made the seat so high, he claimed that was the way to do it. He forgot to tell me my two legs wouldn't touch the floor if I stood straight on it. You can imagine my fear and shock when a massive truck sped past me and almost blew me and my two wheels off the road.The ground was a long way away to fall and I was riding down a hill that was so steep it was about 30km/h or so. At that moment I had forgotten which brake was for the back tyre and which was for the front. However, I knew that if I had mistakenly pressed the brakes for the front tyre, it would have meant me falling down head first. That day I said "Blood of Jesus" like 120 times in 60 seconds. After that day, I parked my bike in the garage for like 4 days till I was sure I had recovered from my experience.

I learnt some new things from "re-cycling", those seemingly unnecessary moments change our lives and recycle our thought process. My arrogance and all knowing mental image was shredded in my Osuofia moments and this has reminded me to be humble and as usual to enjoy my Osuofia moments while I learn from them. Learn something new, ask questions, read the signs, bla bla bla. This just got boring.

Randomly yours,

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Shame on me

In one of the many secondary schools I attended, we had "General Labour" every Wednesday and Saturday. Very easy to remember those days, as they were the days when if you could disappear, you would have been the happiest teenager in Kogi State. General Labour always started with one prefect finding a reason to mobilize his colleagues to flog literally everybody, for some reason they loved it. Since I'm rambling, it may interest you to know that I don't have the slightest idea how that relates to this topic. Right, Labour! we used cutlasses and machetes to cut the grasses in some parts of this school (I just pictured a very local school). Twelve years later, I'm in a new town and we have this very bushy garden in front of my house which was unkempt for one reason: I didn't know how to use our lawnmower and I needed a police permit if I had to buy a cutlass.

In full Osuofia mode, I went to ask my flat mate who is from an Arabic speaking country to teach me how to use a lawnmower. From the look in his eyes he must have been saying "how spoilt can you be not to know how to use a lawnmower". I just couldn't be bothered to explain that I grew up using a cutlass. Lets call him Idris. Idris showed me how to use the device which I enjoyed and imagined all those Oyinbo films where a hot chic would be checking out the guy who is so homely and hard-working... I drift away from the topic once again.

Shame on me.

I watched the trailer of of Sacha Baron Cohen's movie "The Dictator", where there were four people in a helicopter and two were chatting about the Statue of Liberty and fireworks in Arabic but to the pilot and co-pilot all they understood was: 2 middle eastern adults mentioned "Statue of Liberty" and "Boom boom boom" = Terrorists and bombs. When I watched it, in my head I blamed the Americans for putting that stereotype in my head. I have been in buses, trains and classes where I see an adult male with a beard from ear to ear, turban wrapped round his head and a backpack... One of those moments where You repent all over again just in case the backpack contains a bomb and I end up dying. In the same way, I have sat down in buses that were full but had an empty seat next to me (may be because I am black and no one wants to get mugged or have their pockets picked perhaps?).

Last week in Nigeria, a man was arrested and even made international headlines as he was accused of being a suicide bomber who planned to kill some Minister of the Federal Republic. Later that day I saw a picture of the bombs and found out that they were tear-gas canisters and some live ammunition. Maybe those were locally made bombs or real bombs or another silly way to distract us by our Security Services but I understood them considering the fact that Nigeria is gradually becoming a terrorist nation and it is better to be safe than sorry blah blah blah we know how the story goes....

The irony.

I finished mowing the lawn and no hot chic even noticed me (not like I wanted that to happen), I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water and Idris as usual was on his phone. All I could hear was:

hakla hamla rackla hesnfr **%$%u& "McDONALDS", "ALTON TOWERS" *insert more Arabic words*.

Shame on me because sub-consciously I asked myself if maybe he had such ties and he was listing targets? have I become paranoid because of the news and stereotypes? When did I become this person? Yet we are quick to call white people racists, short people - wicked, Scorpios - evil, Muslims - Boko haram, etc... I mentally shook my head and told myself...

Shame on me.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

The Lilies toil not to blossom by Lily

Now, before I go any further, I must introduce myself. I’m an unashamed, unapologetic and hopeless believer of love. Right from when I was a little girl, I knew I was going to marry the Man of my dreams. (No, not Denzel). A man I was head over heels in love with. Of course ‘’the Man of my dreams’’ began to change in form as I matured. Whereas a starry eyed teenager on my list was the usual ‘’TDH’’ (tall dark handsome) I’m sorry, have never been into light skinned guys. They look fragile. I’ve always wanted a strong black man… anyway, moving on… I had this list where apart from obviously being TDH, he had to be witty, intelligent, FUNNY, sensitive, strong, honest, full of integrity, bla bla bla… funny enough I never wrote a 2God fearing man". I just knew I could never love a Man who didn’t love the Lord.

I’m genuinely puzzled when I see scores of women bashing marriage everyday on social networks, and to be honest, I feel sad. Who or what could’ve hurt them so bad to be this vehemently opposed to something the Lord created to be a beautiful joining of two people? I believe environment and genetics forms us as individuals…as well as personal choices. And so it is with Marriage. Your perception of Marriage possibly arises from these three things;

1) Your parents’ Marriage (or lack thereof), the history of Marriage in your family, sisters, Aunts or the like,
2) Views on Marriage from various TV shows and movies,
3) Your own personal belief In the Institution of Marriage.

It’s almost as if every day is a "Marriage Bashing Day" on twitter. There’s someone I follow who constantly tweets horrible stories of how evil Men are and why Marriage is a terrible idea. After a while, I had to follow encouraging accounts of how beautiful Marriage can be, and the way God intended it to be. Where did we go wrong? I have this friend that gets off on when relationships/marriages end. She would quickly ping me to break it to me how so and so was divorcing. Yes sadly, sometimes people fall out of love. Marriages end, some women go through hell on earth just to remain married. It doesn’t mean every relationship is doomed to fail. You can’t live your life on that premise. I loved being single, having fun with my girls, doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Having my space, deciding not to cook. But I also knew that I couldn’t do that forever. I wanted babies. And I wanted someone to love. Most importantly, I wanted to be a part of something meaningful; Someone to come home to or vice versa, someone I could share a part of me I never have with anyone in the world. And I knew there were certain things I had to give up. You can’t enjoy being married if you don’t make up your mind to close some chapters. I’ve never been the type to enjoy 10 different guys calling me, frankly, it gave me a migraine. I love having just one man tell me I’m his sunshine, I love knowing that this Man will be the father of my children.

For me, my first views on Marriage stemmed from my parents. I grew up in a household full of love and laughter. I’ve never seen a Man love a Woman as much as my Dad loved(s) my Mom. He was never ashamed to shower her with lots of praises before us the kids, visitors, in public and even in her absence. Of course they argued, also in our presence, but they always seemed to get over it so quickly! They never kept malice. This taught me that a woman can and should have her own opinion, hold her own and not be a door mat, however, don’t let the sun go down on your anger and learn to hold on to what’s most important! When it came to in-laws, my dad showed top priority to my Mom, even as a little girl I knew you couldn’t mess with my mom, my dad wouldn’t allow it.This invariably put everyone in their place.I remember whenmy dad looked at me and said, if the man I married loved me half as much as he did my Mom, I would be fine because love never fails. He always said he first met my mom when she was 18 and more than twenty years after, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever beheld. Sometimes when she cooked a special meal, he would say, ‘’ah Madam, I should go back and pay another bride price, you get better with age!’’. They were always laughing together and many times, we would catch them exchange loving glances at each other. I never ever saw him or heard him belittle her. And she would tell you a thousand times that she has never felt threatened by him in anyway, physically or otherwise. And this instilled in me the belief that this was how Marriage was meant to be. This is how a man should treat a woman. And I expected no less.

Perhaps this gave me terribly high standards on what to expect from a Man. However, as I got into the University, my ideals began to change… in fact the whole picture I had in my head about dating a guy who was cool, sensitive and funny just disappeared. Blame it on the school I went to, I don’t know, but I just froze up. I left University without ever dating anyone. I was too disillusioned. These guys were nothing like what I’d been reading (and expecting). Big apology to all my University guys. It’s not you, it’s me. I knew I had to make that climb down from the high horse soon. But even then, I knew I wasn’t going to settle for less
But I held out, I wasn’t giving in to just any guy. Sometimes I wonder if I had experimented with a lot of guys, perhaps I would also have had the view that ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. Be that as it may, the only two Men I ever dated showed me a lot of respect and made me feel special. The first broke my heart, the other, I married. So perhaps, my knowledge on men is vastly limited. I do know however, that where one was very indifferent and non chalant, the other was extremely sensitive to my needs and very attentive. It made me realize, no two men are the same! You just can’t have it all. Sometimes you have to experience a little bit of the bad to appreciate the good. Life is all about compromises. You just have to be discerning and know what to compromise and what to hold on tightly to.There are pertinent qualities that must be present, others you can learn to live without, and others you must never tolerate.
As for me, I believe when you strongly believe in something, call it fate, call it cosmic synergy, or the Will of God, it just comes to be... what you expect, you end up getting and you’ll find you didn’t have to struggle hard for it. ’’The lilies toil not to blossom’’just be true to you. If you abhor marriage for whatever reason and want to remain single, that’s okay, whatever makes you happy? Just don’t make it on the premise of your parents’ failed marriage, or some celebrity marriage, or worse, just to join the marriage bashing bandwagon. I admire strong, career oriented women who don’t feel pressured by society. And I certainly don’t think Marriage is the be all, end all. My husband is probably more passionate about me following my dreams than I am! I may not have a perfect marriage, and lord knows my husband has his numerous flaws, but you know what? So do i. And if he can see past all that and love me so amazingly, then so can i. There are little things that warm my heart, like when he brings me breakfast in bed every weekend, rubs my feet, annoys crap out of me, and the inevitable fights (and makeup). I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s not a walk in the park, but nothing of lasting value ever is. I did marry the Man of my dreams (well, minus the Chateau in France, the Swiss bank account, the Newyork penthouse suite, the castle in Scotland, the Villa in Spain and the Yatch in Venice). Imperfect as he is,I am committed to enjoying Marriage the way God intended with positivity, constant forgiveness, trust and love.

Yes, I’m a believer of love.

Friday, 20 April 2012

IT ALL BELONGS TO ME by @Kamie_doll

I am alone in the dark. I love the dark. No light not even that blinking red notification light of my BB. Just beautiful perfect darkness. My golden noir I call it. I can see in the dark you know, well just the images my mind and I come up with. They are usually beautiful and sparkly. I have some ugly ones too but I do my best to suppress them ugly ass images. I hate to ruin my Golden Noir, I don’t get it as often as I want.

Earphones in my ears, music blaring at the highest volume (I love me some loud music). I’m in the mood for some Gregorian chant but I am too comfortable and I am scared if I stretch to get my phone I won’t be able to get this very comfy position again. Plus, I really don’t want to ruin the darkness with the bright back light of my phone. Anyway, music shuffles itself to Brandy and Monica’s latest song ‘It all belongs to me’. I love this song and I don’t get why peopledon’t. The video even makes it more loveable for me. Not necessarily the concept but the clothing and styling totally gets me.
I’m pulling my Gangsta in bed singing along with Brandy and Monica "I know you're mad/Can't take no more/But put that back, that ain't yours/Have a fit, slam the door/But leave them bags on the floor/That shit belongs to me", bla bla bla... Song plays out and a strange French song starts playing. I dint even know I still had this strange song on my phone. I should delete it. My mind wanders back to the Monica and Brandy song.

Should we really take back everything when we are done with someone we were in a relationship with? The clothes, the cars (TAKE THAT BACK ALREADY), the rings etc. What should we take back and what do we overlook? Is it mature or does it spell immature to the last letter? I remember a friend of mine who went to her Ex flat, packed up all the (silly) things she had given him when they were dating and brought them back to her apartment. What are you going to do with these I had asked? I dunno, trash it I guess she replied. I just don’t want anything we shared in his possession. I imagined me going to my (now) Ex's apartment and taking the wine opener, the plates, the clothes (few) I bought for him etc with the ‘That shit belongs to me’ attitude. I can’t, I just can’t imagine it! But, if I had bought him a car I’ll want that back with the millage reading 0.00km! :D

However, there are something’s I would want back. The ‘TIME’ wasted with you. That’s not a waste if you think it through. We shared some damn good times and then your sorry ass(or my sorry ass) ruined things but I still want it back. I want my saliva back, the ones we swapped while kissing. I want my sweat (you know how that came about) back. I want the wetness of my trocha back. I want the soft moans of our love making back.I want my hymen back. I want the climax I gave to you; I’ll save it and give it to someone else. I want all my stories back! I want my secrets back! I want the meals I cooked for you! I want, I want, I want...

Hell, it all belongs to me!

Ooooowwwweeeeeeee, music has shuffled itself to the Gregorian chant – Masters of the chant. Bliss!!! I love these monks.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Nostalgia..... by Fiona Amuzie ( @Kwinfiona )


Nostalgia, the feeling, the thoughts, the memories, momentous,
The images; some vivid, others blur. . .
Some resurface more often than others
Some hazed by our denial
Some memories may even lie forgotten underneath other thoughts and memories but there are those that are just there,
like some sort of constant in our heads and lives.

They remain there from the inception and linger on.
They either hunt us with our past mistakes or they put that smile upon our lips.
The moments where we wished time would come to a brief stop;
a pause maybe.

The memories we wish we could re-live,
all in the past but still as fresh and clear as the sunrise.

The moments we spend with those whom we love.
The moments wHere we renew our vows.
The moments which felt like our sudden utopia, all but . . .


By Fiona Amuzie
Courtesy leonardo davinci...

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

My Favorite things by @Feline_eyes

Hey there, my name is Chychy, ignore the handle Andy put there. But of cos you don't care. It's none of your business after all you don't know me. I just wanted to play around with his blog.

My favorite things. Hmmm... What exactly do I like? It takes a lot to please me but funny enough, I'm easy to please. I love books. Loads and loads of them. I'm not a nerd, I hated school but I love to read. I can get lost in books that it will take a huge shove to get my attention. When I was much younger, my mom once said, reading the wrong thing was going to put me in trouble as I couldn't look at anything that has print and pass by it without picking it up. Anything at all. Newspapers, novels, even little pieces on the road. I must pick up and at least glance through it. It used to frustrate those around me a whole lot, but what did I care?

I love people. Not all people, but good people. I love to talk to people, the irony is, I'm quite shy. I love to know their minds. What they think about situations. Intelligent people turn me on and I can't help it because I'm sapiosexual which has always been my undoing. I love to play with people, tease them, have a good conversation. I love to dance. Dance is the only thing that makes me happy. Dance is the only that gives me joy. I can make love to dance all night long and still have energy left for some more in the morning. I still think that if I can love a person as much as I love dance, then it is true love. Not club dance o, although that is included. I mean hip hop, waltz, salsa, ballet, pantomime, anyone you can think of. And I daresay I can be quite good in most & a lil good in the rest of them although I'm now a bit rusty.

I love shoes. You know, no matter how bad an outfit is, good shoes always make it look better (Emphasis on "good shoes"). You know how you slide your feet into that pair of great shoes especially when they are heels? It's almost orgasmic. You feel tall (I'm 5'4) and smart (even if you're like a basket), no one can dare bullshit you. You'll bulldoze them with just a kick from your heels. I love the internet. It's a threshold of information, good and bad. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I've met amazing people via the internet and I'm thankful for it.

I love nature, food (junk), water (many people don't appreciate its importance), above all, I love to learn. And these are a few of my favorite things.

Monday, 16 April 2012

As random as it gets by @Mishdoo

"He's so sweet. And caring. And everything I ever wanted. She doesn't even care about him! She doesn't deserve him, I do!"

"His parents are so rich! But look at him.. no swag, no dress sense, no game! *hiss* 'moni-mis-road'! If only I were in his shoes... what if he dies though? I'm his best friend, I'll just obtain his kicks..."

"If only I were an only child. I wish my sibling will just... just... not exist anymore"

"I wonder why she's earning more than I am! She used to be a dullard in school... She used to copy all my assignments for pits sake!"

"Imagine Feyi of yesterday... Smh! So she has bought an iPad? I remember how long it took her to get her first curve"


Do you ever get those evil thoughts? Those thoughts you would rather die than let out... the ones that make you feel like Patience Ozokwuo's movie character's descendant. The ones that make you question your sanity. You know them! We all get them once in a while... Heaven knows, I've wished many a teacher death by arson. But its okay. They're inevitable. Its not what the voices in your head tell you, its how you react to them. Its how fast you can snap out of these thoughts. Its whether or not you're letting these thoughts be a motivation or an evil light-bulb. Even the bible says in the book of *insert bible verse here* that *insert bible quotation here.* So there! I hope I have touched your life and proved beyond every reasonable doubt that mojo-jojo is not the only force of darkness in the world.
P.S. If you "k" this write-up, you'll have a threesome with Amadioha and Sango.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Mixtape Review: M.I Illegal Music 2

Unsolicited Review of Illegal Music 2

Do I think MI is an ass? Well umm, maybe. Is he a drama queen? Yeah I guess, but hey, I’d say all these things about Kanye too! I joked about writing this review and someone did say I will be biased, but then again we are all critics. If you wonder why I’m doing this or what gives me the authority to write this, then you really don’t need to read this.

P.S.: This is more about the people he featured, not necessarily about M.I.

I felt it was quite unprofessional the way M.I. delayed the release of Illegal Music 2 and most times waited till the last minute before he eventually came to apologize in a cocky way on twitter. Wait! Before you agree with me, it’s a free product right? Maybe he should have had it ready before he announced it. All said and done, he made us anticipate his mix tape. I’ve never seen people anticipate ANY album like that in Nigeria... and it is (just) a mix tape. After all my rants and my anger, I still waited to download a mix tape I already had. The site crashed 5 minutes after it went live (I won’t even take shots at the developers) but that said a lot. Is MI talented? You tell me.

This is my biased view:
• Why didn’t we get to hear Jesse Jagz on IM2?
• Not even one line in Pidgin English from MI. You want hip hop?
• “Remember me” and “Jade’s intro” didn’t make the final cut (he mentioned both tracks on twitter months ago.
• Dear Critics, M.I. is not happy with some of your reviews. You had a lot of shout outs directly and subliminally. Truth is every rapper wants some credit, I guess. (Cc Don jazzy, MTN for Jude)

Illegal Music 2 Review

Track 1 – Coming Home ft Tonii

Starts like a movie, very ghen gheun... who is Tonii? I don’t know her, never heard of her, but she made me listen and MI came through. My Opinion: 3.2/5

Track 2 – 6-Foot ft Phenom
One word, Punchlines! You may need Wikipedia to get through this one. M.I. hates being compared or likened to Lil Wayne but I know he is a fan, especially when you remember how he went hard on “A Millie” in Illegal Music 1. Move aside M.I., this is not about you... Phenom is the future already present. That’s all My Opinion: 4.5/5

Track 3 – Lost ft Loose kaynon
Kinda old to us now as this was the first single from the mixtape and most people said Loose murdered M.I. on it. I think they both did, but most people concentrated on Loose Kaynon. My Opinion: 3/5

Track 4 – Sex Love, BS ft Kahli
This one leaked a week before release, but not a lot of people heard it. Nice sample of Chris Brown’s “No bullshit”. Kahli’s “The bandit” EP speaks for itself. P.S., did you hear Lindsey’s voice at the end? (4mins into it) My Opinion 3.5/5

Track 5 – Do I move you
M.I. sampled Nina Simone and he did this quite well as and I couldn’t really fault it. I like it... he went in. My Opinion 4/5

Track 6 – Notis ft Pryse
This song didn’t do Pryse justice. She sounded nervous but she did well. The extra bit at the end vindicated her. Watch out for her. My opinion 3/5

Track 7 – Star ft Efa, 5-Mcs
Good sample of “Stay Scheming” and Drake’s Crew Love” I think? Nice punchlines from 5Mics and M.I., the song sounded a little too busy. My Opinion 3/5

Track 8 – Superhuman ft H.H.P
Novacane sample: hard to hate. I wasn’t too impressed with HHP but then I listened later and the passion in his voice made me smile. Dude needs to go and take cough syrup though he sounded like he needed to clear his throat. My Opinion 4/5

Track 9 – The XO bit ft XO
For Hip Hop, this is street, XO is a happy rapper, he had fun with this one. Although, he unconsciously tries to simplify his lines so the listeners can actually get what he means. For hardcore hip hop heads. My Opinion 4.3/5

Track 10 – F**K You
Silly M.I had fun here and this is Iceprince’s hardest rap ever, even though people will still take shots at Ice no matter how good he is or not. Funny song, Eminem Sample, hard hit at critics and competitors. Please kindly pick your subs here. My opinion 4/5

Track 11 – Eyes
For the ladies.... P.S. Makiller killed it. My Opinion 4/5

Track 12 – Export ft Yung6ix
Yung6ix saved his best part till the end and by that time I had judged him as average. I think he is good but tried too hard and it didn't help him. MI on the other hand did good but pretty much gave Yung6ix space to show his skills. My Opinion 3/5

Track 13 – Beg for It ft Matronomy and Funbi
This is Nice. I think Funbi is very talented, the raps were also cool. It is a laid back song. My Opinion 4.3/5

Track 14 – Ridiculous ft Hench and Boogey
HIP HOP HARD: They had fun with this one, They all gave their best but my high point -a Boogey! Remember that name My Opinion 4.5/5

Track 15 – Pain ft Shaydee
Not my favourite and for no particular reason. M.I was still taking shots at critics? Rappers should get used to it criticized, criticism may not be that bad. My Opinion 3.8/5.

Track 16 – Loving Me
Mushy and nice pleasant, for the ladies. I listened to this one over and over again. Good work 4/5

Track 17 – Heart of the City ft Show Dem Camp
SDC deserves more credit than they get. Those guys are sickly good. MI poured his heart and soul out in this one 4.5/5

Track 18 –Flower ft Ruby
Took me to the 90’s.... Ruby sounds really cool. My Opinion 3.5/5

This is not for pop heads, this is hip hop and if you are not impressed, show me someone who has or is doing better! My Opinion 4.2/5

Shoot me (not).
For putting all these people on the mixtape and giving them a chance to be heard, I respect that. I also remember that was how we heard about Wizkid. This was definitely worth the wait. On a general note once again, rappers shouldn’t hate critics or take it personal. Not everyone will like you, no matter how much you try.

Good job Mr Abaga, but don’t make us wait like that next time. *Slaps him*.

That Andy

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Thunder will not fire you by @iLoveDarkRooms

I grew up believing that it is important to give to God. Give Him your time by working in God’s house; give Him your money to promote the spread of the gospel.
These days, I find it increasingly hard to stick to what my parents instilled in me.
I was an ardent tithe-payer up until a few months towards the end of 2011. Prior to then, I would pay my tithe FIRST before any other thing and regardless of how pressed I was for money.
Fast-forward 2012, I don’t even feel too guilty about it.
One day, I sat in church and listened to my pastor tell one of his numerous stories about how he was in this country or that country (sometimes with his entire family). And then I said to myself “wait, whose money is used to fund these regular round-the-world trips?” And that was it for me. The next month, rather than pay tithe to the church, I gave it to an orphanage.
Now, I am fully aware that some pastors regularly get personal gifts from their clients customers fans members. I am aware that some of these trips are sponsored by individuals who feel the need to “be a blessing to God’s servant”. But then, I am also aware that a bulk of these “Missionary Journeys” are to Europe and America. My question is, why don’t they go to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Egypt, Somalia, Libya etc?

Why don’t these people go to people in war-torn countries who need God’s love the most?

Why Europe and America?

Why should my pastor drive a Range Rover Sport with a personalized plate? Is he D’banj? Does that in any way inspire more people to give their lives to Christ? Why should my pastor have bodyguards? Is he David Mark? Who pays these guards? What other sources of income, apart from church funds, does he have?
When the missionaries came to Nigeria, the fastest way they got people to listen to them was by building schools. They didn’t necessarily have to preach before people agreed to go to school. Enriching their lives was an effective way to teach them about God’s love.
You don’t have to carry Bible and microphone to shout about Jesus before you win souls. By living a life akin to Christ’s, a life worthy of emulation, a life filled with kindness and love to others, you are evangelizing in the most effective way possible.
Now tell me, which church in Nigeria has built ONE school and made it free or atleast highly subsidized and not for profit? None that I know of! With all the billions of naira these churches rake in every month, they can afford to give free basic education, either as a body or individually. Yet what do we see?
Millions spent on church buildings, millions spent paying for adverts of numerous church programs on TV, radio and newspapers, millions spent establishing media empires (publishing books, selling dvds etc), some even have their own TV stations now! All these things are by no means cheap!!

The one that irks me is when they constantly “import” preachers from Europe and America and add it on their posters and flyers, perhaps
to lend more “credibility” or is it now effizzi? You fly a preacher (and his family) in from America, pay for their flight tickets, put them in the best hotels AND pay them “honorarium” when they are leaving. You spend all that money to come and preach to a widow with five children who can’t afford to pay her kids’ school fees and is only just managing to get by. And you tell her God is good, you tell her to have faith and wait for her blessing. YET you live in absolute luxury and forget that you may be the one through whom God is supposed to bless her. Why should a church build a school using CHURCH FUNDS and still charge exorbitant fees afterwards? If that isn’t criminal, I wonder what is. Despite all these, we sit and do nothing. We criticize the government instead because we have been so blinded by religion, we can no longer differentiate between right and wrong. As long as Pastor is doing it, it is from Jehovah himself.
We hide behind the cloak of religion to cover laziness and greed. And if we say “peeem”, thunder will strike us. After all, God says “touch not my anointed”.

The church has turned to a fully fledged business. Infact, I know of a church that sent its pastors on a business course to learn about business models. No be “dem say”, it’s a fact. And if you look carefully, you’d notice that most of these churches are run just like other businesses.
Their merchandising na die. Check out holy water, anointing oil, holy handkerchief, devotionals, tapes and dvds…the list is endless. This is besides the normal offering, tithes and special offerings.
When I talk about things like this, my mother will give me the look that says “shut up before thunder fires u”. Lol. But for how long? For how long shall we wallow in ignorance?
We owe it to ourselves not just to speak against bad government policies, but also to speak up against “bad church policies”. We owe it to ourselves to demand accountability from our pastors, to demand for fairness, equity and everything that was the basis on which Christ lived.
The time has come for us to stop being mesmerized and tongue-tied about the issue of religion. We should start speaking up and demanding for what is right. Thunder will not fire you if you do. Our God is not amadioha 

Friday, 13 April 2012

My first love, will you have me back? by @Blaqwyne

Had a wonderful day at work yesterday, sort of strange because I am one of those Monday haters but this Monday was different. I did an excellent job of an assignment my boss gave me. Did you just ask if that’s all? Well its sort of a big deal to me, I love being productive, I love doing it right. As I left the office in high spirits I saw some mad people and was wondering why and how on earth did all these mad people get here when i saw the cameras… my heart started beating rapidly, my mouth went dry, my palms were sweaty and the memories rushed back… All of a sudden I was that little girl again in the sitting room with my dad and uncle watching Julia Roberts in the movie Pretty Woman, her facial expressions spoke volumes even before she uttered words she made acting seem like child’s play. That was when I fell in love with acting that was when I knew I would do anything for the world of make-belief.

When I chose to study Theatre Arts in the university, my aunties would have none of it but my dad let me study the course of my choice. Wasn’t prepared for the stress that came with studying Theatre Arts didn't even know rehearsals were part of the deal, was practically forced before I started attending them and kept turning up my nose at the girl playing the role of sugar mummy in the play my class was working on at that time, I couldn't understand what was so difficult in taking in your lines, getting your blockings right and getting into character that she just couldn’t get. She made rehearsals boring and tiresome, didn't realize the director had been observing me untill one friday he gave me the script to take in lines and try out on monday, kept talking to myself all weekend but my lines was what I was actually taking in, monday saw me doing a pretty good job of that role and that was how the real journey of my passion started, that was how I began nurturing my relationship with my 1st love; ACTING. If looks could kill, I would have died the day I was chosen over my senior course-mate for a role in a command performance we were to present to the then Visitor of the university. How can I forget how my female course-mates made a big deal because I was named the best female acting student of our set, they were on about how I always got the lead role that’s why it seemed like I was the best and our final year production had me playing a minor role so you could imagine my joy when our external supervisor called out my character as one of those that made the production worth it. Majoring in final year was one of the stressful points of studying Theatre Arts for me but quite challenging as well. Everybody was going for Directing, Costume and Make-up or Theatre Administration but I majored rather in Acting. My major had all the seemly difficult lecturers in my department involved but I wasn’t deterred and ended up having the best of times with them, even the no-nonsense mrs Odeh offered me tea and biscuits sometimes when her office AC got too cold for me to bear.

HOPE AGAINST HOPE, a TV programme for NTA saw me acting alongside some of my lecturers right after school. The joy I felt,when people went 'arent you Adiza in Hope Against Hope?' on the streets. The fulfillment working on each script, getting into character for different roles, like when I did the practicals for my major. I acted as two different characters and it was really tasking having to do most of the technical work which wasn't really my area but it came out well at the end"

So what happened to our relationship? Becoming an adult and paying bills happened, I realised I couldn't make all the money I wanted if I didnt put that relationship on hold. I needed a financial foundation before putting my legs up and having cocktails with my dear love, else i would end up a desperate lover, isnt that what we all hate? For me,acting isnt about making money and becoming a superstar its a hugry passion that needs to be fed with quality and remarkable works so marrying my first love for the money will ruin a beautiful bond that took years to build.

But after seeing all those people yesterday,had me thinking. Have I been gone for too long? Can we pick up from where we stopped before I went looking for comfort? Will my love still have me,accept me when I find my way back? I cant be sure but one thing I am so sure is, I would never been a fulfilled woman if I dont mend fences with my first love. Its true what they say 'the first cut is the deepest of them all". We all have that passion,that we let go at some point in our lives either intentionally or unintentionally. Will we ever be fulfilled if we never pick them up again? My passion is acting... What's your passion?

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Of writing, gadgets, the beginning of the end and other cool stories by @CeceNostockings

First off, I'm a writer. Yes! A pretty amazing one at that (I've been told). Every time someone goes "My goodness, you write so well!" (Or something like that) I blush for at least 2 minutes before filing the memory away in one cabinet or the other because, sadly, my mind is as organised as catastrophe. So, yeah. I'm an awesome writer. My dust-covered blogs can attest to that. Yes, blogS. I have two. Started one early last year because I missed the joy of writing. I stopped writing in secondary school because teachers kept trying to enter me in competitions and stuff and I was "Na mhen.", so I figured a blog would help me get back to what I love(d?) doing. Everything was going all fine and peachy, and then *insert car crash sound effect of your choice*.

I'm not going to say I was going through mid-life crisis before someone will email me a slap. But I went through hell. For a while, it didn't seem like I was passing through. More like I'd stupidly decided to go there on vacation and chillax. Anyhu, I pulled through (yay!) but my blog suffered. I thought I'd lost the passion for writing. Overwhelmed with helplessness, I did what every blogger does when face with that dreadful block. I embarked on the 30 Day Blog Challenge. Don't worry. I didn't finish. I just panicked and opened another blog. And now, here I am again.

See, the second blog was supposed to be strictly fiction. The idea came to me in a trance, and I'd written out the forst ten chapters in a flurry. Typed it all out on my phone like a bawsette. So, I opened the blog and started putting the chapters up week after week. And then my phone got stolen. I won't even tell you how it happened. All you need to know is I went into a kind of shock for about three days until I got a new phone. And now, I'm struggling with my new blog as well (feel free to pity me).

The whole stolen phone ordeal almost destroyed me. You see, the criminals didn't just steal my phone. They cleared out all the gadgets in the house. Two laptops, a tablet, and about five phones. Don't you wonder what it is that would make a person want to steal someone else's gadgets? What is it? Me, I'm not techno savvy at all, so I've never really gotten it. Sure, I like pretty stuff. I got my first blackberry simply because it was blue. I've once bought a laptop because it was pink and could fit in my handbag. When I'm out shopping for phones and stuff, I'm not thinking *insert whatever serious tech people think here*. I walk into a store and price all the cute things I see until I can afford one. So, yeah. I like cute stuff. But I wouldn't go out of my way to steal one.

Except if maybe I got really drunk and was dared. Then I'd probably maybe do it. Maybe. I have a massive keloid on my left ear and a budding one on my right because of a stupid dare, so yeah. Who knows? But I quit drinking. I did. I'm now strictly a social drinker. I knew I was finished when a friend saw me and said "Coco, no drink today?". I sat down and thought about my life for a full five seconds. It was then I decided to turn my life around. So, yay! No more booze. I encourage you to quit too. Alcohol is bad, you know? Trust me. You don't want have to have to wake up on a tree branch one morning and have to put the fragments of memories from the night before together while you walk home alone in nothing but an oversized shirt and boxers.

But do you know what's more painful than an inexplicable bruised rib after a night out you can't remember? Owning a HTC HD7 for about five seconds before it's snatched out of your hands while you stand there, mouth agape, eyes shining brighter than halogen bulbs, and helpless. I may not be all lovey dovey with tech stuff, but it was a new phone, and it was gift from someone really close to me, and it can pain. It's even more painful when you carry that anger and buy expensive shoes for your baby only to get home and realise they aren't her size.

Sha, we can only thank God for small joys. Like your daughter waking up in the middle of the night (after hogging half the bed and pushing you into a corner) and seeking out your chest to rest her head. Or that really adorable voice note a friend sends you that just makes you smile. Or spending an amzing day with people who really care about you. Or that one person that stays up late with you until you feel better. Or Ribena. Or maltesers. Or chocolate cake. Cake... Yup. For me, it's the minute things people hardly notice that give me joy. That and attention. Lots of it. But that's all for another day.

Peace, Love, & Ribena (‾⌣‾)♉

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

I Love Food And Food Loves Me by @MissFrivolous

Sloppy Joe's!!! Who doesn't love sloppy Joe's? I don't know about you but to me they are simply orgasmic. All that meaty juicy spicy sexiness between buns....burger buns... Ummmm!!!! I mean I love hamburgers, chicken burgers and all, but sloppy joes are just amazing. The juiciness, the messiness, the yumminess...I could go on. Most important is the ease with which it can be made. WAIT!!! Before you start getting aroused, this is an educational piece teaching you how to satisfy your carnal desires...for food (come out of the gutter). To make a sloppy joes, you will need canned chopped tomatoes, worcestershire sauce, ground beef/minced meat, brown sugar, vinegar, garlic powder, black pepper, salt, onion powder, seasoning cube, chili sauce and Burger buns. Throw the beef into a lightly greased non-stick pan, toss in the brown sugar and spices followed by the vinegar, worcestershire sauce and chili sauce, cook for about 5 minutes and then throw in the chopped tomatoes, give it a little stir and let simmer for say 10minutes.. Then heap large dollops of the sauce on one side of burger bun and cover with the other.. And hey, sloppy Joe is ready. Like i said, it is pretty easy to make, and the good thing is you can pre-make the sauce and freeze it. So on one of those days when u come home really tired and hungry you can just take the sauce out the freezer, thaw it, reheat it, cut your burger buns in half, slap some of that sloppy sauce on one half, cover with the other and bite in... Divine!!

Oh! You thought we were done? Or are you still bathing in the after glow from your interactions with Joe? I understand. That was just the starter. Now unto the main course.

Pasta. I LOVE pasta.. Spaghetti, Tagliatelle, Fusilli, spahettini, lasagna noodles, fettuccini, Penne, Macaroni, Ravioli.. Just give me a good pasta dish and a chilled glass of lemonade and I know you are my friend. I recently met someone who says he doesn't eat pasta, I had to give him a nice long hug. I was craving pasta some days ago so I made Fusilli pasta with shrimps and diced chicken breast tossed in cream, white wine and chives sauce and then I garnished it with some basil leaves. No! That was not one meal, it was one afternoon of mouth orgasms. Out of the abundant kindness of my heart, I am again going to teach you how this was prepared. I marinated the diced chicken breast and shrimps (separately) in chopped tomatoes, vinegar, sesame oil, soy sauce, salt, black pepper and chili sauce (quite a lot huh?) for about 30 minutes, then I stir-fried them (separately) until cooked. I boiled my pasta in salt water; al dente, drained and set aside. Then i made my sauce; stir-frying chopped garlic, ginger and onions and then I added the white wine, cooking cream, chopped chives, some canned chopped tomatoes, and spices to taste. I let it simmer for a few minutes and then I added the chicken and shrimps. Gave it a good stir, let it simmer for another 5minutes and then I poured the cooked pasta into the sauce and tossed it until well combined... Ecstasy!!

Now unto our dessert, because no meal is complete without something sweet.

One other thing I like and I'm apparently not alone in this; is red velvet cake. Because I like not so sugary cakes, because of the moistness and it's almost as if it just melts in your mouth somehow or maybe just because it is red and velvety, I don't know...too be honest, it doesn't matter. Red velvet cakes are WINNING. I've noticed that even for non cake lovers, they love it. Most people think it's just a regular cake with red color.... Far from it. Well it does have red color in it, but that's just for the color. Red velvet is a combination of cocoa, buttermilk, vanilla, vinegar (yeah i said vinegar) and oil (not butter) which gives it the moistness. I said not butter because I tried once to substitute melted butter for oil and as much it was still great, there was a huge obvious difference with when I use oil. It was not as fluffy, not as moist and the texture was not as velvety. I use red velvet for just about anything.... I combine it with vanilla pound cake sometimes to make strawberry trifle... Trifles are sinful desserts, but a little too sugary for me so I take it in small doses, that doesn't mean you have to. With layers of vanilla pound cake slices, slices of red velvet cake, strawberry jam and syrup, frozen or fresh strawberries (preferably fresh), whipped cream and homemade custard - basically egg yolk, milk, sugar, corn starch, heavy cream, vanilla and cognac; heated, you have yourself a strawberry trifle. So yeah, you can also use red velvet to make cake balls. Red velvet cake crumbled and mixed together with whipped frosting, cream cheese frosting.. any frosting of your choice (they are usually sold in grocery stores), rolled into small balls, frozen and then rolled in melted chocolate bark. Its hard to find chocolate bark in Nigeria. Well, I didn't find it so I made do with melted chocolate. It came out nicely but not as smooth and it didn't solidify as well as chocolate bark would. I was impressed with the overall outcome though. The savory buttermilky, cocoa-ey flavor from the cake combined with the creamy cheese frosting melting in your mouth after you bite through the chocolate coating... Almost like an eclair. Its safe to call it; Heaven in a bite. And they are are rolled in small balls so it makes it easier for you to just throw into your mouth and indulge... Euphoria!!

I could go on and talk about how I love black forrest cakes. All those layers of heavy whipped cream between layers of rich chocolate cake and layers of cherry pie filling topped with a seductive combination of chocolate ganache and Swiss meringue butter cream, but I would stop here.

It's time for me and you to go into the kitchen and whip up something that will give you immense pleasure. Remember the kitchen should be used for what it was made for.

If you can't do this yourself, you can place orders at and I'd be sure to help.

I can't help it, I am a foodie to the core.

I love food and food loves me.

by Stephanie Okoh @MissFrivolous

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

That Friend by @Fels77

Some people don't really have friends, like close you-can-tell-me-anything-and-call-me-anytime kinda friends. They may have acquaintances and are friendly to people, or their sanguine nature makes people love and confide in them easily. You see, such people might end up having 'friends' who have different characters and nature. And these friends on a normal ground can not get along so it's really surprising how they can have a common friend. I've seen myself in this kind of situation lots of times, where, some of my friends don't like my other friends and can't fathom what I see in them. I shiver at the prospect of bringing them together sometimes but I'm usually grateful they like (or maybe Love) me enough to keep their reservations aside and act civil towards each other during occasions that require all my friends to be in one place at the same time.

Another problem is those friends that feel they own you more than the others. I don't know their basis for this claim. Maybe it's due to how long you've known yourselves, or how much of themselves they've revealed to you or probably what you guys have been through together or whatever! But its not just cute when your friends fight over rights. Sorry, I'm bragging about my numerous friends (even though I use that term loosely) and implied people fight over me (I wish!). I was just reading about friendship from the book of Sirach (my favorite Deuterocanonical book) when these thoughts started flooding my head and I thought I should share some of the wisdom I learnt from that passage.If you are polite and courteous, you will enjoy the friendship of many people. So you see, you have to be at least a nice person to be able to attract people and ask any wise person, it pays to have someone in your corner. Having someone you can count on cannot be emphasized. Have more than one person you can count on when you are in trouble? Then you are RICH! If you feel you can do it all by yourself and don't need friends, by all means, carry on. But if you don't mind being rich in people, here are a few tips.

Sirach said, when you make friends, don't be too quick to trust them; make sure they have proved themselves. Prove themselves how? You may ask. Well, relax, wait, a situation will surely present itself and if u are wise, u will know if your "friend" passed the test. Some people will be your friend only when it is convenient for them, but they won't stand by you in trouble. Others will fall out with you over some argument and then embarrass you by letting everyone know about it. A loyal friend is like a safe shelter; find one and you have found a treasure. Nothing else is as valuable; there is no way of putting a price on it. Only those who fear the Lord can find such a friend. A person who fears the lord can make real friendship because he will treat his friends as he does himself.

Sorry if I sounded a little preachy there but all I'm saying is what one of my (Tested & Trusted) friends Doshima (@doshix) is always saying, "In all thy getting, after knowledge, get people!" And it won't do any good if the people you are able to gather can't fight for you, so you definitely need God in order to make the right choice(s).

One last thing: Don't ever, and I mean EVER beg to be anybody's friend. NEVER!

Monday, 9 April 2012

Euthanasia... by @Cece_Wilma

So i jumped at the oppoturnity to post on a blog and without giving it second thought, I went for it not caring if I had something reasonable to share or not. but hey, I'm gonna give it a shot and of Course I have to be encouraged considering the fact that I'm just a novice.
I am torn between between writing about the moral justification of Euthanasia & Abortion and what the church says about these two. but at the same time, I am strongly drawn to write about the various effects that broken homes/marriages have on the family, children, couple and the society as a whole. pardon my choice of topics because this is actualy my field of study *Morality And Ethics* (Religion And Philosophy). Besides we already have too many people writing about life, love, bla bla and bla so a little drift wont hurt I guess.

Euthanasia which is synonymous with mercy killing as defined in the dictionary is the practice ( illegal in most countries) of killing without pain a person who is suffering from a disease that can not be cured. this has remained a debate over the years as to whether it is morally and legally justifiable to kill a person because he/she has been ill for too long. people however, have different opinions but till date, the church has termed it (euthanasia) as being inherently wrong (and sinful) and should never be considered, whatever the case maybe saying that man has no power/authority over life. well that is the church, if put to you, what will your opinion about mercy killing be? do not jump into conclusion yet, let's look at one or two instances.

Assuming you have your aged grand-mother who's been ill for over 9months, on a respirator and you have to pay medical bills just to keep her alive (and she's probably too old and wouldn't live so long if healthy anyway) and you have your parents to support financially, you have kids who are in school, a wife who doesn't have a well paying job, you have bills and house rent to pay *oh dear, those responsibilities* what would you do? continue spending so much on her medical bills till she dies? find alternative means to get financial assistance to keep her on the respirator till she dies a natural death? don't be hasty in your decisions.

How about a couple that has a crippled child who always fall sick and spend months in the hospital receiving treatment that costs a fortune but still amounts to nothing when at home? should such a couple allow their child die since all they do is spend money and resources on a child that has been pronounced useless by the doctors?

In trying to decide if our choice of action in both situations is morally right and justifiable, we must bear in mind that both the grand-mother and child have a right to live. the Doctors sure have a role to play as they are supposed to offer alternatives in such situations and whether the government has legalised euthanasia is still to be considered because legalizing euthanasia cause death and dying to lose the moral context within which they must be viewed.

Errmmm i think this is enough for now and i hope i get another opportunity to write briefly on the morality of abortion and the effects of broken marriages/ homes on the family, children, couple and society at large.


Saturday, 7 April 2012

The Bestfriend and the lover by @Ranigisele

I hit my leg against a stone, big deal! I ran into an old school mate and settled into lunch. I finally got that recipe right and acquired the taste of what a good time should be. Eventually my good day turned into a frown. Not like the elephant trod on the grass again (it literally does that every day)

It suddenly became dark, and the window let in the cold of the night. I tossed and turned in bed because I couldn't sleep. Would I call it pain? Where did it come from? Why won't it go away? I reached out but couldn't hear or feel anything. Practically dead silence and just when I thought to give it all up. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

It was a gentle tap and then a spurn. I couldn't make out anything in the darkness but I could feel a presence. I could feel a warm embrace as it wrapped around me. A sigh of relief I must say. My heartbeat had dropped to normal as I felt myself been lifted from the bed unto the sofa and slowly, the gentle stroking of my hair and caress. My clothes fell to the ground one at a time. Suddenly, the touches felt like icicles and the kisses like an avalanche. Had I let my guards down? Could this lure of thrust be the medication to my constant gloom. Another dead silent moment. Contemplation set in, at this juncture, I knew I had to make a choice or . . . So! I screamed.
I opened my eyes and there was a faint light. I grabbed what I could find and walked towards the direction and then I felt a touch on my shoulder ...

It was familiar but unusual. It was warm, welcoming but fear took over again and I tried to run away because I wasn't sure what it was coming with this time. But . . . this touch was firm, I couldn't move an inch. I strain to make out something in the faint light but all I could feel was a lead and I felt my feet take a step and then a slow walk. It ended in the bath tub.
Dipped in warm water, I felt all my troubles washed away, I felt new again . . a lead again. I landed softly on my bed. I closed my eyes tightly, I was scared the feeling will over take me against and wanted to jump out when I felt a restraint. A gently pull back under the covers. A gentle kiss on my further that said everything will be fine and you don't have to be scared anymore; I'll never leave you.
Then the lights came on, I looked around and saw no one. I searched everywhere and found no one. On returning to my bed, I hit my leg against the post *Ouch* I yelled and sat on the bed to massage my toe and suddenly, the light flickered and I smiled.
I knew I wasn't ever going to be alone anymore.

To be continued...


Friday, 6 April 2012

Cool beans by @doshiX

Hey jackass,



I'm sorry I called you a jackass, I don't know why I did it. Heck, I don't know why I do half the things I do. Maybe I was trying to be cool, you know? Maybe I thought that if I was a little inappropriate then you would laugh (with me), respect my lack of fear-of-what-people-think and thereby think of me as cool. I don't know.

But this I know, that one day, people were throwing leaves on the floor and screaming "Hosanna" but a couple of days later the same people were screaming "crucify Him". Everyday that I say and do stuff solely for the approval of people, I end up like one of that confused bunch. And you know the worse part? Atleast their confusion and ignorance was part of a grand scheme to reconcile us all, my confusion and ignorance causes hurt and leads others astray.

We talk a whole and three quarters of crap, loudly for that matter. Once in a while thank God for His blessings but we never really have the heart to say that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died on the cross of Calvary to reconcile us with God because that crosses the line from "cool" to "pastor".

We never tell friends of the overwhelming peace we feel when God's presence embraces us while doing something as mundane as making the bed or how we get teary eyed when the choir sings a worship song that ministers to us.

Sometimes, we 'mention' it, but most times we don't. And this is not me sitting on a high horse judging you, this is me reminding myself of what my priorities should be.

Cool shouldn't be cursing and being inappropriate because truthfully that is the norm these days. Cool, like someone once said, should be going against the norm by living the Gospel. Not just to be tagged "cool" but because we've been saved by grace. Cool IS living the gospel.

"Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth before the difficult days come, and the years draw near... Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgement, including every secret thing, whether good or evil." Ecclesiastes 12:1 and 13-14

Happy Easter and God bless you

Thursday, 5 April 2012

MEN LIE, MEN CHEAT ... DONT WE ALL??? by @Mofeaketi

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned... when a woman’s fed up there is nothing you can do about it... what if a woman.... if I were a boy... and the list goes on and on and on(yawwnnnnnn)! So what hath fury like a scorned man? And what happens when a man’s fed up? We all talk about “what women want”, do we even think about “what men want ”.

I am not a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist neither am I a “MAN-VOCATE”, or a woman basher, just a realist sitting on either side of the fence. We all point fingers on cheating and lying men and do the same exact thing while we r trapped in the closet and no one’s watching. They say you may never find out if your wife, girlfriend or fiancée cheats on you, and that’s the honest truth you may actually never find out. It’s almost impossible to see a woman who doesn’t have a deep dark secret between herself and another man, and you may never know in your entire lifetime. Don’t bother interrogating your wife’s, girlfriends and fiancée’s right after reading this article, you still wouldn’t know.

This doesn’t let you MEN of the hook, all yea “cheating-is –our-birthright” attitude. NO! Its not, you cheat because you want to not because you have to. It’s a choice not a death sentence......YES we all know you are attracted to the physical but the saying “all that glitters isn’t gold” wasn’t coined for the fun of it. We all just have to be involved for all the right reasons and not get thrown off guard by this crazy-fun-mad-world. Am not saying go beneath your “standard”, unfortunately we live in a classed-society and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a standard. If you usually date men with nice cars, fancy clothes and all the works, fine.....go for it and don’t come back complaining that “he’s not treating you right”. All he most likely has at the back of his mind is “this blood-sucker” which is totally wrong but yea what the hell, you weren’t with him while he struggled to get to the top in the first place. Guys if pretty faces, huge behinds and enormous mammary’s(thick as a milk-shake) is what sparks your interest, go ahead and don’t come back saying “some dude tried to chat my girl up in the club”. Of course they would!! They are seeing the same thing you saw in the first place.

True they make us emotionally drenched; true the men just know how to treat us right, true men just don’t know what women want. Honestly, WOMEN don’t even know what they want. We are so insatiable it’s pathetic. We should be called the “insatiable lots” and probably make a Nollywood movie out of it, staring Kate Henshaw, Omotola Jalade, Geneivive Nnaji and Stella Damasus.
All this things and a lot more might be true but have we ever thought to ourselves that somewhere along the line we might be the cause of most of our relationship or marital issues. Most people go into relationships for all the wrong reasons. If we just take one second to breathe and close your eyes for a couple of minutes it would be all fine. If we just try to be satisfied with whatever we are given and not go on an quest for MR or MRS FLAWLESS and be content with our MR or MRS FLAWS AND ALL we would all live happily ever after. Argue, fight(not physical), make your views known , disagree to agree, reach a compromise, give and take/take and give, live in harmony, be at peace at all times, don’t go to bed mad you might have wrinkles the next morning and require Botox at 35!
No one is perfect and no one would ever be, so learn to accept people for who they are, no two persons are ever the same no matter how alike, even Siamese twins have traits peculiar to each of them. Treat every individual differently, quit the unnecessary comparison, quit the nagging, men cheat and lie, so do we, quit pointing fingers and LIVE LIFE! And I am still just sitting on either side of the fence.
Inhale and Exhale……

Wednesday, 4 April 2012


Everything is being turned on its head. Most of the principles, myths, axioms and ideas that we once accepted to be either true or proper have been given new connotations, and these new suggestions have been embraced by the new, bolder generation. Even though we differ in ideology as humans from country to country, race to race, culture to culture, there are a few things that we come to accept in the world of ideas as ‘politically correct’ and ‘acceptable’. We can say we agree that world leaders should not be sexually deviant or fiscally corrupt, and that children under a certain age should not be forced into labour. We can agree that censorship is acceptable in certain forms, like protecting children from porn & TV violence or shielding our credit card information and ratings from prying eyes.
As we delve further into the 21st century it’s obvious that society’s collective mindset has taken a turn that sets us on a path in the opposite direction from previously perceived precedents of popular culture and ideology (with a depreciating moral aspect uncomfortably attached); which is itself a translation of our essence as a social species. In the same way that human beings just like us once were deadly convinced that the world was flat (or for that matter a vertical multi-levelled structure; imagine a massive building in orbit), our collective global mindset is experiencing seismic shifts. In this information age fuelled by the internet, the world seems to be becoming smaller, and it is now much easier to get a feel of what a country; or the world as a whole, thinks about a particular idea or event.

Our favourite alien ‘Superman’, which we have come to know and love almost as if he were real, was once accepted as the all powerful hero who held back from using his powers as much as possible, reigning back violence even when a villain had murdered innocent humans. He always believed in not killing his enemies, just subduing them and handing them over to the authorities and a generation loved him for it. He was objective, principled and full of restraint. The new pop culture collective seems to have tired of this ‘branding’ of superman.
In a 2011 video trailer for the new DC (comics) UNIVERSE ONLINE; a gruesome battle between super villains and superheroes is underway. Wonder woman, superman’s love interest has been hurt. The Superman that appears to save her is different from the one we used to know. His usually neat cape is ripped and tattered. His eyes are glowing red and his face is shown in an intensely angry, almost demonic grimace. On his way to save the Amazonian beauty, captain marvel tries to stop him, and this is when we see him reinforce the fact that everything is different. He breaks captain marvels hand, forces him to his knees and burns his face off with his heat vision rays until it seems there is no longer any face at all, dropping marvel’s body lifeless and moving on to the target, Lex Luthor, at whom he screams “you don’t deserve to live!”
This video can be seen here and has over 15 million views worldwide. A majority of the comments prove that this new generation thought the old superman to be too soft, and that this new one is a “Boss” and ‘totally badass’.
Hip Hop once served as an outlet for the disenfranchised black American youths and reflected the social, economic and political realities of their lives. For years the culture grew and African Americans prided themselves on the fact that they had created this movement, and had a kind of colour coded ownership of it. For so long there seemed to be an unwritten rule that if you weren’t black, you couldn’t have credibility in this artform. The rhythmic alpha attitude, The fascination with sneakers, fashion and male jewellery, the accent, the bouncing walk , the “black struggle’; these were the tenets that were subconsciously believed to hold hip hop culture together. Even as the audience widened and Caucasians and the rest of the world joined the African American listeners, the rules seemed to remain. The closest anyone got to bending the rules was ‘Vanilla Ice’, who gained some popularity, but faded from the scene due to a lack of consistent credibility. He just wasn’t as ‘gangsta’ as the dominant black males leading the genre.
ears later, Marshall Mathers aka ‘Eminem’ proceeded to demolish all such rules and accepted precedents, not only successfully gaining a foothold in hip hop but rising to dominate the charts whenever he makes a release. He did this through a combination of shock value, black comedy (no pun intended) and articulate, albeit violent, biting lyrics. The new generation latched on to his total fearlessness and disregard for whatever was known to be acceptable at the time. This included rhythmically insulting any public figure he simply didn’t like, sometimes dressing up as a woman in an alpha male culture while vocalizing a deep homophobia and discussing his narcotics use with the same transparency and passion as his fatherhood responsibility. He is the artist that finally broke down racial boundaries in the all-black hip hop world. He has sold around 83 million albums and broken so many records in the music business and he himself has many stories of those who advised him to quit because it couldn’t work. We all know that if words were weapons, Eminem’s would be some of the most violent we’ve ever heard.
We shift attention the world of politics. The Arab world was previously known for the amalgamation of religion and state and long periods of conformity to the authority of domineering, dictatorial leadership. However, it recently experienced an unprecedented uprising against age-old authoritarian regimes; most notably in Egypt, Tunisia and Libya. Such volatile scenes usually erupt when the US and its allies intervene openly in such areas around the Middle East, now the youth passionately decided they would do it themselves.

This kind of youthful revolution was previously the stuff of cinema and novels of great mobilization led by romantic, charismatic young / middle aged rebels. They rose up, seemingly all around the same time period (mainly 2011) to fight for social mobility, the freedom of information and the right to choose their leaders without the entrenched idea of entitled succession. The first part was psychological, if u like, with the use of the internet, social media sites and the global blogosphere. The rest of the revolution was very physical, in some cases very brutal.
Another series of events culminating in a kind of information rebellion of its own calls for global attention; the search for the alleged war criminal Joseph Kony. Kony 2012, whether one chooses to support it or be cynical about it, has ultimately achieved Invisible children’s initial viral and confrontational objective, which is to get large numbers of people talking about Kony and his alleged crimes, with most of them in agreement with tracking him down and making him answer for them, as well as the profits being made for the ‘N.G.O.’ itself. The idea is that the collective force of will generated will be the key to achieving this goal. The point is that there have been many leaders of this nature but none of them has been ‘hunted’ in this way. It is a sign of these more restless times, when the voice of the rebel generation seems to be reaching a fever pitch and they are willing, more than ever, to use all the media now available to broadcast socio-political convictions.
What these issues all have in common is the fact that accepted precedents were shattered and unexpected change dominated the status quo. So it seems we are no longer interested in heroes. We are now interested in courageous anti-heroes. We have lost the patience it takes to see the good guy play nice and follow due process, otherwise known as ‘procedure’. Jack Bauer, anyone? The idea of forgiveness and fair trial has become boring so it has been shelved for the idea of street retribution and immediate punishment to the guilty. We want to see the good guy roll up his sleeves and crack some heads. Are we collectively heading towards a globally unanimous vigilante mindset?
When people come up with ideas that are seemingly shocking, confrontational or even outlandish there is a tendency to immediately begin to see how it could all go wrong. This may even occur because the idea is simply different. The key then is the kind of momentum one can create for an idea which allows it to be forceful enough to break through precedent and secure a place for its self, be it a business, social, political or academic campaign. Ideas now move so fast around the world that the time it takes for an idea to grow from a simple thought in someone’s head to part of the stream of mass consciousness has been reduced to possibly minutes. In general, therefore, action is collectively taken faster, which also means that feedback will be relayed to the originator of an idea faster than ever before, ultimately informing on the popularity (or not) of the idea. This is not just a technological advantage, it is a reason to eliminate the fear of acting out our ideas. Since precedent is constantly being shattered, it proves that there is no set blueprint for the realization of ideas. They are generally created for the particular objectives they serve.

Demola Adedoyin
Yin Media LLc.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

A Lover's Curse by @Mimi_lilmissmis

He was in my dream again...
The shadow of my Demi God...
As I lay there still,
paralyzed beneath his stare
cursing my senses and Raping my emotions
with the hunger games playing in his eyes...
I shudder with each step he takes closer and closer,
The echo of his footsteps defying the sound and space between us...
I know that sound too well...
*Pause* His breath slicing through the defending silence,

My mind screams of the pain it recalls was once left rooted deep within my heart...
*Silence* I sworn it bled over again...
Screams of my deeply rooted pain become whispers numbed,
silenced and hushed by pleasure
As The warm air that once, minutes ago, caressed his skin
now dances on the tip of my nose
Sending a whirlwind of memories past through my mind
my insides melt into that warm flush feeling he lovingly punishes me

Till this day I have not the words to describe it
The silence and weakness overcomes me...
Yes... I know that smell too well...
He weakens me...
Every night I lay paralyzed and more Move Vulnerable as he takes over my mind and body and controls my senses...
But Just before he touches me, I wake up... And I am sane again...
For I remember that touch too well. It once made me a slave to him...

Monday, 2 April 2012


A true story...

I hoard. I love to hoard papers, from old magazines to event booklets to speeches, to note pads, to plenty other paper things…it is not as if I am some kind of geek. But I value books and papers and the words written on them, so once in while I turn the house upside down and do the painstaking act of shredding the papers I have hoarded over time. With a heart wrenching and gut tearing feeling I shred the papers that I used to love, I do this act for the whole day tearing papers I once kissed, magazines that I won’t borrow anyone or If I did, it went away with a stern warning ‘Return it in good condition’. As I go about this task I always wondered why paper recycling is not still a big industry in Nigeria, why these papers can’t reincarnate as tissue paper or note pads…

But I didn’t wake up with the intention of shredding papers today or filling up bin bags of once cherished collected cds long scratched by overuse. It was the news of my friend’s arrest in Dubai that unsettled me. My friend studying in Dubai had been caught travelling back in with leisure drugs and is to go behind bars for 27 years. She could have gotten a harsher sentence if it was hard drugs, but excuse me 27 years is harsh already.  These were stories one read about happening to people in far places now they are so near.  My friend is a 32 year old vivacious and fun loving woman; did she ever imagine that she will go to jail? Perhaps we failed her by not telling her to calm down, that leisure drugs were no longer cool. Did we really fail her? Is this a guilt trip?

The UAE authorities investigated and sentenced her for not only bringing in the tablets but also dealing in them; I hear a pleasure pill could go for as high as 100 USD per tablet in Dubai. My friend is well off, what pushed her to become a dealer is beyond me; why and when she became one are also beyond me. I am still in shock that someone I know could fall into this intricate web of justice and prison mess.

This is not even death, she is not dead and I am scared to go to her facebook page to look at her pictures, -happy pictures, living her life as if it’s golden, but indeed her life was golden.  I remember her picture with Tubaba at Scot Tome’s party on a boat in Dubai, more touching is her picture with her Mom and sister obviously taking them on a tour of Dubai…there are several more pictures of her in a mall shopping and many more in her room in different poses. All these will be reduced to a colourless life in prison with the walls perpetually closing in on her.

For once I am scared of our destinies and the choices we make, for once I am thankful for friends who say ‘Bros calm down, there’s more to life than living life as if it is golden’. Now on the streets of Kaduna where my friend comes from, she is being judged by our other friends the same people with whom they had shared a joint…I am so distraught and confused about the state she’s in, I can only pray…that she comes out sooner and sane, for 27 years is a long time to be away...  

Next time when I read stories of people in similar situation as my friend’s I will remember not to think they are mere statistics of people going to jail, but people with friends and family with life and dreams…not just people whose fate has caught up with them…

As I turn to go back to shredding the papers I remember that my friend’s father has been told that there’s nothing that can be done, he is back home to Nigeria with a broken heart understanding that as a Muslim this is indeed the will of Allah. Now I will pick up a sheaf of papers and continue shredding them, papers I once cherished…and sparing a thought for my friend.