Sunday, 1 April 2012

​Ode to the light-headed by @bennymode

Four years ago, you could "engage" 10 bottles of Smirnoff Ice and still make valid points in an argument on the major fallouts of world wars 1, 2 and possibly 3. You could walk out of the club stilettos straight and eyes clear, waving to fellow dissidents and promising to make it a date same time next week. Good times.

Four years forward; EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

No! You are not a student in any college or university (at home or overseas), your parents don’t pay for nothing and if you are LUCKY, you pass time in an 8-6 job to afford food, shelter and a couple of nice heels. Did I mention you can’t show up drunk to work, home nor Church? This narrows your debauchery to Friday nights and due to the ever nagging budget... One Friday Night!!!

You turn up in heels you can barely walk in and a dress so tight these younglings or some fashion powerhouse in New York aptly term it the “bandage dress” and attempt the walk of grace into one lounge.

JUST ONE LOUNGE! You are mature, you can do this. You won’t go beyond one bottle; you are no longer that adolescent and REALLY, you can handle yourself (insert side eye).

Basically, you are on the right path; one bottle in hand, sipping through the night while experts in appropriate impiety make their way through several glasses of Long Island.

You’ve got this!

Your only mistake was not preparing a heart touching “self-control” speech for that one friend. Everyone has got that one friend and if you were smart enough (or you frequent the night scene), you’d have gotten the “turn down that friend and avoid ending up wasted memo”. Sadly you didn't get it.

Still on that one friend, she is usually the one with the contact-filled phone. Always knowing somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody! And right there mid-smirnoff, she’ll take one good look at her black agent of darkness (phone) and declare; “A friend of mine is at X lounge and he’s all by himself, plus he’s got free drinks”. At this point, heaven knows that YOU know its time to walk away. You make a feeble attempt at an argument and then notice your compatriots are eager to leave. You know better but then there are the million dollar questions; “na for only this joint them go see my cloth” and “Can I stomach being alone while others have fun”?

Its officially the beginning of the end!

At this point Smirnoff won’t do so you try your favourite cocktail; its free after all and its just one glass. But the music is really loud this time and the DJ seems to be playing all the right songs and you really want to dance. You don’t know what glass belongs to whom anymore; if its got a drink in it, its yours.

You start to believe you are still that girl from four years ago and you are basically the heartbeat of the party. You are the “Yes” lady. Everyone is your friend and that cocktail-ciroc-smirnoff-jackdaniel spin in your head is nothing but the loud music. Why is the music so damn loud?

Then someone orders food; Rice and something with fish in it. It looks exquisite and expensive, plus you know you ain’t getting this kind of food on a daily basis... so its all in a nights ‘work’. You dive in and you eat that fish because fish just became your favourite protein. You wash it down with what looks like your drink but is in fact some strange mixture kept on your table by that potbellied dude dancing nearby.


It is Saturday morning, your head feels heavy and your mouth tastes like regurgitated fish and punch (because it contains regurgitated fish and punch) and your dress smells same. You want to open your eyes and attempt making sense of what happened last night but just before you do, you hear voices... familiar voices.

The room is talking and 10 minutes later you recognise the distinct voices of 5 girls. Your friends! As they engage in strong competition to determine who can best recall your most messed up moments from the previous night, you lie still reliving each moment.

“Really... Did I do that?”

“ouch! I did that”

Gasp! “I threw up?”

The occasional “noooooooooo”

And you say to yourself “This is it! I’m never going to do this again”.

Of course you wouldn’t!

We believe you... totally!!!

We believe you as much as we believed you when you said this last month... and the month before.