Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to obey nature's call. You have to go for a wee then Lo and behold, you see this bright red light blinking in your room. As a black man the first thing you would think about is that the cops are outside your house... You instinctively recount the details of the last 24 hours just to be sure you have the right alibi. Now on the other hand, if you grew up watching a lot of movies to the point that your brain is quarter past twisted, then you would think the aliens have arrived. Well, I fall into the twisted category because I automatically said "Blood of Jesus" then started casting and binding evil spirits. Obviously this happened within about 3 seconds. I blame my banker Brother for that and I'll explain. Let's digress a little, shall we?
About two years ago, I was on holiday and I had to visit the Brother. One unfaithful morning, I heard the sound of trumpets, getting loud and louder and you know, louder. And I was like "Dear Lord, forgive me for all my sins, Amen". Those nine words are embedded in my head in case I ever have a near death experience or if I realise I'm going to die. Well, fortunately for me, it was the boy's lousy alarm waking him up at 4am. Who wakes up at 4am though? Lagosians are not allowed to answer that question.
Anyway, let's go back to my latest Osuofia moments.
I had an awesome Christmas, I even got gifts. My Cousin got me an electric toothbrush. Now, while a part of me really hoped he wasn't subliminally telling me I had mouth odour, I was genuinely happy because I've always wanted one of those. It also had a manual I never read (obviously, only boring old people read manuals). So, I connected it to electricity and charged it for like four days, then used it until (scroll back to the first paragraph) I had my alien experience. The stupid electric toothbrush has this red light that has refused to stop blinking for two months now. Do you want to know how I sorted the blinking light out? I wrapped it, then re-wrapped it and hid it under a pile of clothes in a drawer in my room... until the battery dies. Andy 1:1 Technology. I still haven't figured it out but I'm back to my manual brush abeg. Not like my teeth got any whiter after using it.
The last time I had a blog post on my Osuofia moments, I wrote about my bicycle. A week later the bicycle was stolen. I mean, who steals a bicycle? Don't answer that.
Ps: Dear bicycle thief, feel free to steal this toothbrush.
2013 has been a weird year so far but through it all, I'm thankful. I have decided to see life as a lesson, laugh at my Osuofia moments, admit when I don't know stuff and finally laugh and write about the weird times.