I would like to believe I have a very good relationship with God. We have really cool conversations like friends; other times like a child who tries to be nice when he/she needs something from the parents. It is only fair to understand that children ask a lot of questions and so I tend to ask God such questions; the weird ones, pastors or priests would call you 'blasphemous' for asking. A good example, is the story about Job in the Bible where it says God was having a meeting with the angels and Satan was present. I had to ask, "Err why can you be having meetings with Satan in this same heaven we are struggling to go to? Why did you have to tell him to go bully Job?"
Anyway, we have those little talks and sometimes I get answers, sometimes I don't.
Two months ago, I got some money and being a christian, who was brought up in churches were it was drummed into our heads to pay tithes, I knew 10% of that money was to go to the church... It was hard... very hard. Well, I procrastinated and later spent the money. Actually,I didn't spend the money, I preferred seeing it in my account balance, until my car developed a fault and just like that I had to spend that same amount to fix it. I asked if it was because I didn't pay tithe and this was happening. I joked about it and said is God trying to blackmail me for not paying my tithe? Two days later, I got an answer to that question. My car developed a bigger fault which meant more cost; twice what I spent the first time. At this point, I said I was being punished for believing in tithes and I defaulted.
The following month, I went to church on the first week of the month. I paid my tithe quickly. I didn't even pay attention to the preaching. I just expected that I'd be forgiven, my money would double, my debtors will pay and we will drive happily ever after... Three days later, I had three thoughts to battle; 1. Maybe it is about time I changed that car, 2. Perhaps God is trying to show me he doesn't need my money 3. I've actually forgotten number 3... Moving on, the car broke down again. P.S At this stage, I had changed mechanics three times... A christian mother, at this time, would advise me to rub anointing oil on my car and pray for it (which I'm strongly considering at this point).
Back to reality and my rambling mind, I thought about people, friends, relationships and our illusions... Maybe most times, people do not really harm/hurt us deliberately as we think. Sitting down, thinking and blaming someone or something for your failures or downtime when the person isn't even thinking about you or bothered doesn't cut it. Same way I learnt maybe I wasn't being blackmailed and God doesn't really need my small money for him to help me or not. I just had to fix my car properly and shut up. Or some cars just have that transformer thing where they have lives of their own and decide when they want to work or not. I'm actually toying with the idea of not paying tithe this month just to see how things will go (God forgive me in advance). Anyway I learnt a lesson, you don't always have to blame someone or people for everything that goes wrong, just fix yourself and live on...
For now, I need to find a taxi or 'Keke' to get home. The car should rest...